Tainted Nails and a Roses of Tattoo

"I'm In LOVE with a Fairytale,take ME away Mr Prata Man”

PSYCHOLOGY....... where are you... 9 points!!!!

Thursday, September 11, 2008 || 9:53 PM

Recently i am very interested in Psychology... I want to be a psychiatrist..
Because of my family background and wat i when through, i feel that i can understand these people well and i know where to start, i know how to reach out a hand to these people. I want to be the one to tell that person that even though many things have happened in your life but that doesn't mean that you dun have a life to yourself anymore. I want to tell them that they still deserved to take everything that life as to offer. That their past does not determine their future. Someone reached out to me and helped me through the worst period of my life. And that changed me alot. I want to do that to other people who are much worst than me.

I know that by seeing and knowing their problems, it may affect me and how i view life. Maybe it will scare me to know the dark side of a human being and the extend it will go to get wat it want. But i believe i will not forget the reason why i want this job in the first place. I will always remember why i want this. Because i want to make a difference in someone else's life. i want to be able to touch them and tell them that they are not alone even though the whole world dun see them but i do. And that they are no different from any of us. Just that they started with a wrong step than the others.

I know that there are cases where a gal is being raped by their family members or strangers, and these girls cannot stand the pain and the though of it that they decided to end their life. I am aware that every life that is being introduced to the world have its own way to live. But not this, never this. Ending your own life is a pain no one should never have to go through. I want to change that, even though i cannot save everybody but i believe i can make a difference.

People who come to me in the future will be the ones who experience pain that is so unbearable and hard to handle. But after seeing me, going through many hurdles with me and hope that they will be stronger than before.

Cause i know that pain is a terrible things to experience but pain is what that makes us grow and mature. Through pain comes strength to fight for yourself and wat you believe in.
I lost most of my childhood going through some things a kid should never have to take or handle. But me being naive and who i was, accepted it and made it a part of my life. Now i know that there are some things a kid should never have to take from their parents, no matter how you love them but if they are hurting you not physically but emotionally, you should voice wat you really want. Because if you really take in all in and live in it, you are no longer a kid any more.

Because you think differently from your peers, you see things in a different light. No, that does not make you cleverer than your friends but it rob you of your expressions. You think too much and see too much but no one to tell or confine to. That was my childhood. And i am very open towards it, to telling someone about it. Because i feel no shame about it. Everybody grow up in a different environment, mine just happened to be an unpleasant one. Because of my mother who reached out to me and helped me. I am no longer afraid to seek help when i am in trouble.
THAT IS WAT I WANT TO GIVE TO OTHER PEOPLE WHO HAVE THE SAME OR SIMILAR PROBLEMS AS ME. I WANT TO GIVE THEM COURAGE AND STRENGTH TO LIVE THEIR LIVES AND BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES. I WANT TO SHOW THEM THAT WHERE THEY COME FROM OR WAT HAPPENED IN THE PASS IS SOMETHING THEY SHOULD NEVER BE ASHAMED OF. BECAUSE IT IS NEVER HOW YOU START, IT IS HOW YOU END. AND AT THE END OF THE DAY THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS. AHEM..... HEE...

BENJAMIN TAN.... WO AI NI!!!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008 || 6:12 PM

I went out with da da on monday... really have to see him... Little did i know that my da da change a lot during the past erm... 2 months plus? Oh my.. so cute lor... Here's the pictures he keep asking me to take... He realise that that day his hair was styled in a very "handsome"way.. Some more my handphone didn't really have much pictures of him.. So he decided to take things into his own hands... So here goes...

No need to have any comments lah.... Aiyo... Anyway TMl i have to go to singapore poly for a course.. hais... Dun want to go cause i wanna study... but i realise that i can step out of my house for a while.. Well that dun seem so bad afterall. I dun want to stay im my house and My anut will keep reminding me to PRACTISE MY FREAKING MATHS... I mean i know how to plan my time.. It is also not as if i am not doing anything... I know that she is concerm for me. But she even decides the time that i wake up leh... Purposely come into my room and tidy my bed when i am still asleep. She could just tell me to wake up and go some other place to sleep. The first thing she says to me is " Hey you dun want to wake and study arh?" i mean come on lah.. Can't i sleep???
I am so gald i am not doing to stay in this house after 1st of november. I know this whole thing and my attitude sounds kinda rude. but i did not say it in front of her and i did not shw any attitude towards her because i am used to it already. So i just jave to bear wit it for a few more months. hahahaha.... Yay!! i am sad to leave my family.. but on another hand i am happy to be free, at least i dun have so limitations when i go with my mother .

Cashmere Mafia...... Da Jie ..Er Jie....ME!!

|| 5:29 PM

Today i watched Cashmere Mafia... WOW..... It is like the new Sex In The City.. Talking about 4 career women, who are very strong in their career but one of them have an identity problem about whether she is a lesbian or straight. While another one still trying to deal with the whole Me Being Stronger In Politics Than My Bf thingy.... Etc.... You all have to watch it. It is super duper nice...

How i wish i could be like those gals.. 3 of us.. all grown up and able to be living the high life... not DO drugs and casual SEX. But to be able to call the shots of our own life. Live away from our parents and have a life that really belongs to you and only you. We could live together and have all sorts of funny weekends.

Mondays would be Chase the BLUES away day... We will stay at home and eat chocolates and drink white wine.. Hmmmm.....

Tuesday would be Hair day BABY!!! We will go to the saloon and have our weekly treatment... hahaha... all gals stuff..

Wednesday would be Facial night... We could sit around read mags... talk about the latest fashion and Er Jie would talk about what she is going to bake on Friday and Da Jie would grumble about her job.. and ME?? I would be you'll 2 listening ears..

Thursday is GIRLS NIGHT OUT!!!! Yeah man!! We will go to one of the famous clubs in the country and gossip and talk about guys with a drink on the other hand.

Friday would be Movies Day... We Will rent shows that we love and watch it until the Next morning.... Busy eating popcorn that Da Jie made and Cheese Cake that Er Jie bake and me.... Well i provide to napkins hahaha....

Saturday if we are all still single.. It would be SHOPPING BABY!!! hahaha... we would buy clothes and shoes and bags... Da jie would aim for ANYTHING PURPLE.... Er jie would be busy checking the price and thinking whether it is worth it and then later come and bug us ( Me and Da jie) on whether she should buy it anot... Then later when we walk out of the store she will Regret her decision.. hahaha...

Sunday would be a free day we could do whatever we want....

Evey time we have an urgent problem and we need each other advise we could meet at our USUAL place and bitch about it... Grumbling to one another about our boss our workplace or how a bad day we have... we would find time for each other and make sure that we are all well connected... That we know wat is going on in each other's life. so if anything happens we would be there... Hey guys... remember our PACT hor...

DA Jie if you dun remember you know wat will happen to you!! hahaha..... Remember hor!!

Oh crap... carbs again!!....

Monday, September 1, 2008 || 11:43 AM

Today is a DULL day i tell ya.. First, i cannot find my ipod USB cable!! I think my sister took it to her office. Then i cannot find my ipod Box. you know the one that comes with the ipod. Haiz without it i cannot charge my ipod. Hais... Oh man i am so dead! Then ilater i would be going to my da da house. Got to tell him something important. Dun worry it is definitly not BREAKUP!! I will never do such a thing. Just did finish the whole of chapter 6 of history, hahaha... Very happy. But i still have some chapters to go. Then i still got to study my chemistry and maths and physic and accounts. But accounts i am ok. Only scared about maths and science. Even though i love science but i al still not very happy with my expectations of it. I will aim high man.. But then later i will down grade my expectations again. Oh man My tution teacher is going to kill me if i fail my science. He will practicaly strangle me and hang me on the celling fan. Haahaa. No lah, He is not that bad one lah. Just that he is abit straight forward to you, and will not give you any face. Other than that he is just fine. Anyway i am also very pissed about my handphone, it seems that i am forever stuck as a COMPUTER idiot!! Argh!! I just can't seems to transfer songs into my phone!! Oh man... my ipod and handphone!! i shouldn't have delete my songs from my phone!! why did i do that!!Hais.. Now i just have to wait for my sister to come back!! Oh man!! hais.. anyway these few days it would be a tough period for me. Cause of my parents, My mother would be moving out if the house on 1st november. Hais... I really dunno wat my fatehr will say. Everything is settle, but it is still very difficult for me to face my father. Because he wil definitly ask me to stay with him until i reach the age of 21 then i cam follow my mother. But i dun want, if i say that he would tell me that my mother is not good and that i am still "SMALL" so i cannot tell who is good to me and who is not good to me!! Oh man.. come on lah! I am FREAKING 17 years old for goodness sake, i see things more clearer then my father. Just that he is blinded by anger! HAIS.. I give up..