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Monday, October 13, 2008 || 1:54 AM
Recently I have been doubting myself. On whether i am able to do a good job. But some how I feel very helpless.. I really dunno Wat to do besides studding. But every time i rest or study i always feel that it is not enough. And when i think about it, them i lose the will to continue studding. I feel that even though i have great ambitions but i dun think i am able to use them into my fullest potential. Oh god ,please give me strength. I know i have done wrong things in my life. However i need your strength and your courage to pull through this. Hais.. actually it is not a big deal.. It is i who i making a big fuss about it. However i just can't help but feeling worried and uncertain about how i am able to face my exams and then results. I dun want to be the one in my family w2ho is not able to do well or even excel in her own duty. Why do i treat it as a duty? Because we all have to go through this stage in life, where your parents tells you to study hard and get a good future. But i feel that even though your get a good result but it all boils down to your attitude and how your present yourself to the world. the world is not as bad as it seems. However to certain people who dun treat it as something important in their life will feel that life's being unfair towards them.
God i am really very confused about Wat i really want. I know i said that i want to go into psychology but do i really have Wat it takes? Why do i keep doubting myself. i hate this feeling and this attitude. But i seem to just can't get rid of it. I believe in myself as my mother tell me. That i can do it. Oh God.. i am so sorry for being a weakling. I am not talking about my studies. God you know Wat it is. I have decided to follow Benji to church even Sunday after my exams. I can't promise but this is something i try to do ok? I want to get a good grade. i know i can do it... Thanks god.. I know that you will be with everybody in the exam hall.. Bless us and hope that my whole class is able to score well.. Be the best 5N1 normal academic class. in Zhonghua Secondary' History.
To Pei Shan: if you are reading this... All i want to say is that all the best for your exams and may you have a bright future ahead of you. People make mistakes and people will gradually learn to change from it. I believe that you can do it. Take this as a learning step ba. In the real world people ain't gonna be so kind. Dun get angry often. Dun always want things to go your own way, accept new offers and advice from other people. Take of your health and try not to get sick so often. try to get an MC every time you are sick. (expensive rite seeing doctor? so dun get sick so often..) Lastly.. It was nice to have known you for the past 5 years even though some of them wasn't in a nice experience. all the best for you, gal.. I won't say sorry, you know that.. We dun think we are wrong but if you dun think you are wrong also then there's nothing to hide.
P.S Thanks for the present.. i have nothing to give you but only this message and advice.. Doing my last duty as a friend.
