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Staying Alone... Empty Shell..
Friday, November 21, 2008 || 5:39 PM
I am now officially staying at my grandmother's house.. Now it sudden dawn on me that actually i am all alone.. Even though i have something on my heart i would tell me mother.. but now i realise that i would tell everything.. I will still keep certain things in my heart hoping that i would be gone after some time.. If i dun think about... But it seems that it is not possible.. Many people have a problem dealing with their problems but looks like mine is here to stay.. I just can't seem to get it off me after all.. I am stuck with it for the rest of my life.. I have no one to blame but only me for accepting something i shouldn't have a long time ago..
I wasn't a child once i took it. I should have said something.. Anything will do... but i didn't, i just couldn't do it.. Why should it happen to me? Something i would really like to know... Even though many people tell me not to care about it but in the end it all still evolve around me.. No matter what i do.. I am caught up with this horrible past of me and it would be something i can never change... I dun think i have done anything wrong and i would continue to do it. Because i know that i am helping my mother. I am giving her another life.. Away from the pain and suffering.. I am still young and i have a long time ahead of me.. But not my mother.. She deserves a new life.. my mother tried to stay in a situation that was not going anywhere.. All she was doing was to get me going on.. So now when i am able to understand the important of this situation.. I knew i was ready to face the truth... The ugly truth, that i tried to hide from myself...
But now i am awake and aware of how dispensable of me.. I got to be strong for my mother. I cannot crumble and fall.... Recently i few songs sang by certain artist really touched me with their words...
1. Beyonce : Save the hero
2. Christina : Oh mother
3. Pussycat Dolls : I hate this part
These songs really touched me.... I cried listening to Beyonce - save the hero... Not saying that i am the hero but in this situation i have these feelings that are expressed by this song... Whose's there to save the gal after she saves the world?
