Tainted Nails and a Roses of Tattoo

Time changes everything, even you and I have changed

*NERDY MAMA!
Hey hey. My parents are Hoochie Mama and Nerdy Papa, hence my name is Nerdy Mama.
I wear a pair of RED-framed glasses, which i think i look good in. Hee... And I'm seen with a book wherever I go. I'm a geek who is living in my little world full of Elves, Pixie Dust and Tiny Shoemakers. My friends know me for the crazy biatch i am sometimes, but of course the typical me don't give a damn. I in love with the man, that is the complete opposite of me BUT nevertheless i believe we were made for each other, dun you think so?
-That's me (-_____-)
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The rain, the winter spring has made us fade away

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I really wonder how you feel on these nights so alone

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"I'm In LOVE with a Fairytale,take ME away Mr Prata Man”

I had enough of it already....

Sunday, January 11, 2009 || 6:13 PM

I always wanted to be the one who help my family through anything, any hurdles and difficulty. But i dun think i am able to be that person anymore.... Last time i am was looking forward going home to my father's house... But now i am not anymore...
I dun want to be involved in anything between my mother and father. Yes, i love them both dearly. Even though both party say bad things about each other. I believe that No One will and should take away the perfect image of them i hold dear in my heart. However sometimes it is just so hard to not hear the harsh words that they say. I wonder to myself how is that 2 people who loved so dearly 17 years ago, are now able to say things that even i as a child couldn't understand. These 2 people made a vow " till death do us apart" and have chosen each other from millions of people from all over the world to love,cherish and to spend the rest of their reminding years on this planet together and forever... But now i know what the true meaning of these vows really mean... "Till death do us part" really means until our love dies and the hatred grow....
As a kid i wouldn't say that i grew up in a loving family but i would say that i grew up in a strong family. Even though love was a part of this family but it wasn't the foundation of this family, only money was a foundation of this family. There is a saying that says 'love conquers all' but in my 17 years of life this sentence only apply to those who are really lucky. Sadly my family isn't one of them. I dun want to be the middle man anymore.... I can't crumble because my pride and my love for this family doesn't allow it. But sometimes i feel that i am slowly suffocating because i have NO ONE to talk to.. Nobody will understand my position in this family... People will think that the kind of pressure i am experiencing is nothing compare to the real world... But i am in the real world because in the real world people talk about money and well... guess what my family does too.... God! i can't remember how many times i cried myself to sleep... and how many times i felt lost and completely alone and left out.... Every time my father talks bad about my mother and grumble about how much money is needed to go through this divorce.... And that he is the one paying for everything and for my expenses. If my mother cannot pay for my expenses then she shouldn't take me in the first place. Why!!! Is everybody talking about money and about who is paying to support me? Yes, i know that they are my parents they are suppose to support until i am ready to go out on my own... But why do i feel like i am some kind of pet that everybody is fighting for? If that person is able to pay for everything then that pet is suppose to follow the one is able to provide everything. I am not an object and i will never be. I dun like to go to father's home because it is a constant reminder of what i am. Who is paying for the house? Who is paying for my education or my living expenses..... I know that my father is going through a lot and No i dun understand it and i will never will... I am not that small as to listen to everything everybody says... I listen to myself and what i really want. I have learn to do that many years ago.... Cause if i dun? I will go mad, trust me i really will... I just want to grow up and live my own life. Without anybody fussing over who is paying for me? Sometimes i feel that i dun need anybody if needing someone is giving me so much pain and trouble. I rather live by myself at least i know that i will not lose something if i chose something else cause i have nothing to start with.

God please just make everything go away and leave the happiness and joy in my life and my parents.... Their love is dead this i admit but please let the hatred stop as well...