Shawty's HAPPY HOUSE!!!

Dear Soon to be Good/ Close Friend!!!

2011-06-07T18:38:00.002+08:00

I am very happy to have you as my friend and that i am able to talk to you about practically anything under the sun..

There are a lot of things that we have known about each other, with the thing in mind that we will never be judged and we understand each other. I am proud to say that you are one of the few that i am really myself, baring it all.

You were the first person in which we share deep and meaningful questions, asking each other what is our goal in life and even sometimes " Do you think he is the one? " type of question.

To me you were the first person in which i admire the most, you are a person that is very driven to get what she wants and what she hope to achieve. You are the person who will push on through hard times and emerge a victor. You are strong on the inside but yet i feel that you are soft too..

Remember there was one time where you told me that you feel that you are an evil person and that you dun feel good about it. My dear dearest friend, you are not!! We are not perfect, all of us will be evil too, that's how you know good from bad. That's how you different shade a good feeling from a bad feeling. If you are able to think that you are a bad person, then i can say 100% that you are not a bad person. As a bad person will never FEEL or THINK that he or she is bad for a moment.

I really hope that you will find whatever you are finding for, be in who you are or even your happiness.. I really hope that good things happen to you in the future and that you will be successful in whatever you set your heart to do. Maybe we will even become business partners and open our concept store.

My only regret is that i didn't know you earlier in year one... But nevertheless i am happy to have met you and become friends... And i really hope that this friendship will not end after we graduate from school. And that we will still be able to ask each other questions that we dun not dare to ask ourselves.

Thank you for being there... Really looking forward to our outing trip... (^.^)

I'm back...

2011-06-07T18:20:00.002+08:00

I'm back or am i not?

I am still thinking about what i want after i start going out, facing the real world.

I am lost, then again i think we are all lost when we are thrown out of the only comfort that we know off then left to decide which way to turn to.

Which way will i turn to? Which path will i chose to travel on? Will i make a mistake and chose an path in which bounds me so so tightly to it that i cannot breathe and i will lose myself.

Or will i take a paths that liberates me, i will be able to do what i want and hope for in my life. I will be able to mound and shape my future.

I am afraid of something that i do not know, the feeling of not knowing what you want is terrifying and as the time goes passes, i am not getting an answer.

I am already a senior in my school, i am going to be 20 years old this year. I am going to have to make choices which will determine how i will move on from here. I am going to face bosses and have to fit my ideals into the society.

After SIP i will have to deal with my final year project and then i am done. Am I ready? Am i strong enough to handle expectations given to me by strangers and can i meet then? I know that when i am placed in that situation i will be able to cope cause i wouldn't want to let that person down. But do i want to be in that position?

I dunno all the answers, i am also still starting out and trying to find my footing in this. I know that once i fall there will be nobody to support me. Cause they are not me, they will never know and feel what i am feeling.

I want to be a stylist, i want to try to work in events, i would also like to see whether i am able to be in the visual merchandising industry. So many wants and woulds... But i only have one shot, there is not trying.

Maybe that is the thing i am scared of make a mistake as i dun want to chose the wrong path or make the wrong decision. But because i know that i am afraid that's why i am scared of making the wrong decision under a heat of the moment.

Hais.. Why can't everything be more simpler... Fuck my life if i am were to end up in a job which i hate and i have lost myself in it. Seriously FUCK MY LIFE.

Exhausted

2011-03-20T03:08:00.003+08:00

Hey guys i'm back... Going to start my holidays soon... It is not already here but i am starting to go into holiday mood.. Been zoning out and i cannot seem to concentrate.. I miss all my groupies... My clique and bitch... Have to meet up soon..

Schools hasn't been great, because of one particular module.. But its ok.. I am over and done with.. That module really drained me.. But at least i know where i stand and how much i can push my limits. I really gave a lot to that module.. But i got a feeling that maybe i will not do as well as i though i deserve.

You see... design school the grades i get from there are very subjective, you will never exactly go your grades justice... What i am trying to say is that people based the results on your appearance, it is no longer the good old fashion how well can you produce the work and are you good at what you do. No... It is about how you look too and whether are you pretty or dun your face put people off... I dunno what the hell is going on here.. All i know is that ain't fair and the world is not fair to begin with so i have to just shut my trap and go about doing my work...

But some how there is just that rage or fire in me that cannot be extinguished.... I am mad by a lot of things, things in which i cannot control but yet it seem like is an indirect result caused by me? My life is Fucked up... FML... (-.-)

Then again i am worried about my portfolio, i didn't think i did a lot of work in which i am proud off in these 2 years... In a blink of an eye, i already going to be a year 3, i am going to start my internship in about 3 months? I am excited but yet nervous too.. I dunno what to expect.. I want the company to sign me after i graduate and start climbing from there, and i also hope that the company that i am going to will have a path in which i can go further and expand from there.

But we cannot just hope for everything to go in our way right? We as human are bound to fuck up some part of our lives..

So guys, wish me luck.. I think i gonna need lots and lots of it.. And bless my employer!! God bless you man, gal? Hahahaha....

2010-12-27T05:01:00.003+08:00

It is soo fucking great when you have somebody to whine and talk about almost anything in your life. In fact, that person is constantly updated on whatever crap or bullshit that is happening in your life right now.

Yea, Yea so what if i am only 19 years old. Problem dun give a rat ass about whether you will crash under the pressure or feel like crap? They come and goes. You just got to learn to deal with it and through that you learn. Well, at least that's how i learn. I learn things the hard way and sometimes i try so hard to help some or my friends see that, they still dun budged. And the worse thing of all is that they will come back to you for support and just being there. But you cannot not at under any fucking circumstances say i told you so.

Oh god, sometimes i really wish i can say that.

Or even worse, sometimes i feel like saying where is your fighting spirit?

This is post is to a friend whom i have known for a long long time and i have always regard her as my sister or even closer than that. I know that in the real world you dun have friends and even if you have, remember and be prepare to leave them someday. But for friends which you have through many years of studying and mugging together, dun ever let them go. Cause they may turn out to be the only constant in your life.

So to my friend,

I have seen you grow from your little timid self to someone that is not afraid to voice out our opinion about things. But now i felt that you have lost your voice and you cannot reach out to me. Maybe you have chosen someone else to reached out to, nevertheless i am still happy and contented to at least know that you have found someone you can talk to about these things.

Me of all person who is in your life, knows how much effort you have put in this issue, i know and see all of that. But now i have seen the fire or the spark grown smaller and smaller throughout these years. My heart ache for you, cause i remember how you were when you first started out. Always making an effort in making sure that your feelings was being conveyed.

Even after that horrible incident, you have managed to get over and recover ( not fully ) but at least you managed to go through it. I know that scars are still there and maybe it will never go away but you have to fight for what is yours.

You dun deserve whatever you are getting now, as the years go by you should be getting more and more. But now even you felt that there is not much you can do to save it. So i am here for you, no matter what. I know it will be difficult but i know i will not be the only one here for you. There will be all your close friends with you, we will do many stupid things or crazy things to get through it.

So for once, make a scene. Make it as loud as possible, dun worry about the mess. Biatch and i will handle it. We will support you when you are at your weakest point. I will make time for you. Cause at my lowest you were there, you managed to see through my weakness and my mistake and still stand beside me. You did that for me, cause you know the real me.

I will do that for you too. So go ahead make a scene already!! Let everybody know that things are not what as they seem. Let people know including the ones involved know that you are not ok with somethings and somethings have to change.

Every time when i ask you are you ok with the things in your life, you always say yes, there is nothing wrong. But there IS!!! I can see that, i can feel that from your emotions and your reactions. I know you.... Don't you think it is silly to hide things from me? After being together for so long?

It is ok to cry, it is ok to feel that things are not right. It is ok to make your voice heard. I will be there, i know i will cause i will never forgive myself if i am not there to help you through this or to even just be there. We (Biatch and me) want you to feel something, to be angry for once to show emotions and let everybody know what exactly is wrong here.

You are not in the wrong here. ( not totally)

People makes mistakes and so do you, so just for once be childish and throw a tantrum like never before and get it over once and for all.

You are not alone.. I promise.

2010-12-26T22:39:00.005+08:00

Recently i have found less lesser and lesser reasons to go online.

Honesty i have no idea why? I dun find anything good about going online surfing the internet.. It all seem meaningless to me now.. Yea, even though i now own an iPhone and basically you can do whatever with am iPhone but i still dun feel like going online..

I think i am just lazy, i guess..

So yesterday was Christmas!!! Our very first Christmas together.. Hahaha... I met up with him after my family lunch. Went to his house to give his family and him, their Christmas presents.

Wanted to go out after dinner, just had to feeling to go somewhere ya know?

So we went out at about 8.30 to Orchard.. I have no idea where we were going, just went out taking random photos and also hunting for a nice place to eat.

After much convincing, asking ah Yong to go to Xin Wang Hong Kong cafe.. He finally said yes.. Guess he too is tooo hungry to continue hunting..

So here are the photos...

Inspecting the food.. Actually he is trying to act natural when i am taking the picture.. Haha..

Still acting natural.. AWKWARD!! haha..

Caught him drinking... Heee...

We really order a lot sia.. For two person the portion is huge....

I totally recommend the Chicken Curry... I felt that it not bad.. Seriously, did you see the SIZE (@.@) of the bread that comes with it? Oh yar, you can order with rice, noodles or bread. Since i am ordering Udon and Ah Yong is ordering rice, we decided to chose Bread.. And boy oh boy, the bread is GOOOOD!!!!! It is soft and warm when they served it up to you. And i think it is a bit sweet, but Ah Yong say otherwise.. (-.-)

I also recommend the seafood Udon and the Dumplings... I dunno about Ah Yong's Black pepper chicken.. Cause i kinda dunno like Black pepper stuffs so yup..

Stop to camwhore a bit when hunting for a place to eat along Orchard road.

Another cam whoring picture!! Heee....

Pictures that i have taken While hunting for food.. Not bad right? Guess Ah Yong love of photography finally rubbed off on me huh?

Deco along Orchard road..

So here it is.. It's been so long since i have finally updated my blog.. I think it died for awhile..Hahaha.. Well, i hope that you all have a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year ahead of ya'll!! Mucks!!

I am in love with a lone warrior...

2010-10-31T22:09:00.003+08:00

Roaming around the neighborhood was what I did last night....

Letting myself be fragile was what i let go...

I held his hands in every step of the way... Afraid that if i let him go he will disappear and never come back...

Scare that my love wasn't enough to keep him from going away..

Family - so what even if you share the same blood.... It doesn't mean that you share the same feeling towards each other... Even though you are born and lived together... But it doesn't grantee anything.. You cannot count on that person to look after your back...

I am in love with a lone warrior...
And thy shall be the his home...
Thy shall not give up nor shall thy leave...

Everything that happen to him and whatever he is experiencing...

I will want to know and share with him..

The more i want to be with him and love him with everything i have got...
Yes, I depend on him but yet... I know in some way he depends on me too...
In a little small microscopic way, deep down i know he does..
Just that he doesn't notice it.
I dun him to shut away from the world, or from me...
I know that i will always find the strength to stand beside him...

Now i know how it feels when the whole world is against you, but even that doesn't stop you.. You just want to keep going because you are are not willing to let go....

I will keep going, no matter what..
I know that people may think that i am still young how can i know whether this is it?
but all i know is i dun do something halfheartedly, when i am in.

I am all in and i will not keep some back...

Even if i fall, i will only be stronger and not weaker..

Never weaker..

Never...

Friends...

2010-10-27T01:34:00.003+08:00

Today after night class I went out to have dinner with Glenda and we were talking about friends and people that we once got along so so well, but in the end ended badly. How someone so close to you can be the person who hurt you the most.

So it got me thinking about having a friendship is like learning a lesson and also taking a risk. Telling everything that you know and happen in your life to someone who is not related to you in any way. Maybe just the same classes or having a common interest. And that's all, but yet there is something very special in that person that once you begin to speak to her, but you clicked with her straight away. There is no doubt in you that in the near future she will be the person who will rip out your heart and tear it to shreds.

Sounds painful? But I guess everyone knows how is feels, the actual feeling is way more intense than that. Sometimes I wonder whether do we know that this person is going to be the person who will hurt us? Maybe we did, but we chose not to see. We know that that person is slowly drifting away from us, but yet we hope that it is just a moment of folly and that the person will eventually come back to us. Because they know that we love then and cherish this friendship we have.

But the more we hope there is nothing and nothing is what we will get when we hope for the things that aren't true.

Oh gosh, I dunno why I am being so emo today. Sorry guys.. For this post..

all the boys wanna be like her, all the gals wanna be like her...

2010-10-23T19:41:00.009+08:00

Yes and for me it will be a library full for tattoos and art and designs that touches the life of people.

That express all sorts of emotions not only just for the sake of beauty but to portray what is truly hidden in the soul for every human being..

That kind of art is priceless..

And yes people.... I am going to get a tattoo for myself when i graduate from Poly.. To give myself something and i believe it will not be my last tattoo.. But first of course i have to consult with the doctor. (-.-)

Our body is art itself.. Filling it colours and words bring us to life....

Sometimes words are written to remind ourselves...

To show strength?

.....To be proud of it....

....To show elegance....

....To remind ourselves that the worse will soon be over....

....Something only we can understand....

To show our love for something to the world?

KINKY!!

....It can be gentle if it wants to....

....It can be crude if it has to....

....It can show love if it true....

....OR IT CAN SPEAK FOR ITSELF...

2010-10-23T12:58:00.003+08:00

Sorry for being a bore... But i am really very bored.. And i have nothing to do. Holidays are over.. And i will be starting school on Monday.. Oh God... I hate the feeling of starting school.. No no, dun get me wrong i dun hate school.. In fact, i think i like it. And i like going to school to be with friends ans bitch about everything to what the lecturers are wearing to how certain people really gets on my nerves.. Haha... School life.. Better enjoy it while you can..

But Now there is so much things in my mind right now! So many worries.. Things that are beyond my control.. But yet keeps continuing to bug me like a leech that is sucking gallons of blood from my body.. HATE IT!!!

My GPA dropped again by 0.1... Yes even though it is 0.1 but i am still irritated by it. I told myself that i have to improve and not reprove.. But what am i do?? HUH HUH HUH!!! Hais..

Then comes my parents stuff.. Parents love to make things as complicated as them can possibly make. And i am all caught up in the middle.. Come on!! They are already divorced, living their separate lives.. Why do they still have to live SIMILAR lives.. and have SIMILAR problems?? How can i not be caught up in it? I am your child.. I will always be there when something happens..

Oh god.. Please give me the strength and powerful to hold myself up and keep pushing through.. Not giving up.. I have to get a good job to be able to take care of my parents.. They both have a started a new life.. My father and his girlfriend, my mother and her boyfriend.. And people say they i can't deal with complicated?? Phss... My family is complication itself.. I may have a step sibling from my mother and another one from my father!! Talking about screwing up??

I am not being angry or being unreasonable.. I am understanding to what my parents are going through now.. I know that they have gotten out of an unhappy marriage and have now finally found someone.. I am happy for them.. I really am.. But please dun forget that you are also a parent to me and my sisters.. My mum forgot my birthday yesterday.. When she was out with her boyfriend.. Hahaha... Seriously i didn't know it was this bad... Hahaha...

Damn i really should move out and get my own life once i graduate.. I have another house at Pasir Ris.. I could go and live there with him.. The two of us always wanted to be away from family.. Always seeing ourselves as independent people..

Hahaha... I really dun have anybody that is really close to me ( at my father side... ) I see the need to make any small talk.. Hais... I am tried for being someone i not with them.. I guess one day i will just have to scare them!! Hahah.. Appear in front of them with a different attitude and with some tattoos on me?? hahaha...

MAYBE I WILL??

The only girl in the world..

2010-10-22T21:03:00.002+08:00

It's been a long time since i have been blogging.. But today is excatly a good day for me to blog down my feelings and thoughts.. But no pictures though.. didn't take any today..

Today is the day when i come out of my mother's belly squeaking like a pig!! Hahaha... Happy 19th birthday to me.. May all the wishes and my dreams come true... And today i truly felt as the ONLY GAL in the world.

I went over to his house and at first i didn't expect him to give me anything.. Or at the most we will go out and have dinner at a place where we dun often go and eat. Cause he wasn't a person who will celebrate birthdays, to him birthdays was just any other normal day.

We woke up early and i went to make breakfast for him.. Bread with peanut butter and butter.. with Hot milk tea.. Haha.. The funny part is the hot milk tea.. I passed to him and then he asked me where did i get the condense milk from..

" Erm.. I got it from the fridge.. ( Where else would i have get it from?) Why?"
" Cause i think when i and going for NS i saw the condense milk in the fridge already."

Oh my god... When he said that i was drinking my tea and still thinking to myself that it was quite nice.. Thumbs uo for me... YAY! Then i felt like puking when he said that!! Hais... (-.-)

After the breakfast, his mum cooked lunch for us.. WE did a lot of silly things in the afternoon.. WE watched stupid youtube videos and laughed our ass off.. WE did some difficult puzzles from a Book that his brother got.
One of the question was : BEUCNO BCKA AND FTOHR. And we had to rearrange the words to form a sentence. Haha.. It was really very easy but he just couldn't see it... From BEUCNO to BECOUN to all sorts of werid alien looking words... But it was just a very easy word BOUNCE!! [BOUNCE BACK AND FORTH] Hahaha... We all had a good laugh about it..

Then slept again.. Seriously, I always felt very tired when i am at his house.. I think it is the bed sia... Haha... Woke up and played with Chester and Junior.. Hahaha.. Silly dogs!!

At one moment he asked me this question : " If i tell you something will you be angry? "
" No... Why? "
" Oh, then cn i give you your present another day? Cause you are here so i didn't have time to pack it... "
" I was relieved.. I though what big serious bomb was going to bazooka right in front of my face... Phew!!"
So now i am looking forward to the present cause i didn't expect anything cause i understand his circumstances.. And i know.. (>.<)

Then we went out to find my cake.. My cheese cake.. He was very determine to get my cheese cake.. Haha.. Seeing him look at every single cake shop available at Tampines mall area.. I felt really touched and loved. I really am blessed to have him in my life... =) Ate dinner at Pastamania and then when home..

Even though he didn't have much money to spare... He said something that really made me wanna cry.. " Never mind, what you want just tell me.. No money i will still get it for you.. " ( In my mind i really didn't feel like getting anything liao.. I just want to be with him... And give him a big fat KISS!! )

Even though it was a huge celebration or going to a fancy restaurant or receiving nice expensive presents.. I felt that the little things that he does was more than enough for me. Exactly at 12.00 pm, he wished me Happy Birthday.. I felt happy for someone who doesn't think much about birthdays, actually made the afford to say that to me.. Small gesture i know..

He asked me how do i usually spend my birthday with my friends and loved ones.. He asked me is it very boring to be spending the first few hours of my birthday doing nothing.. Haha.. I kept telling him that it is ok.. I also dunno how o spend my birthdays.. Cause it is usually very random.. Haha.. But he kept saying that it wasn't ok and that he wanted to do something.. Haha...

Even though the night ended was what we expect or wanted.. But i really had a good time with him and i am sure i will enjoy many more birthdays to come with him... There are many things that he is thinking about.. And i will not ask even though i feel like asking and will be able to share his problems.. But i know i will not saying anything as long as i am here with him and let him know that i am here for him.. I feel that one step at a time will be able to comfort him..

Thanks you god for everything you have done in my life.. And have given me. Amen..

......

2010-10-02T14:43:00.002+08:00

I am feeling real sad right now.... Not sad as in crying my heart out sad, but sad in a way i feel that i am being pushed away.... Which i know is not what he is trying to say...

But nevertheless, i still feel it... I know that even after five months he still sees himself as alone and not someone that has another person beside him. He has been alone for such a long time and is so independent, sometimes i wish he will need me more. And that i could be a help to him, be it his studies or in his life. I hope that i am as important to him as he is to me.

He always doesn't show his emotions well, i understand as a guy sometimes it is not easy showing and letting the ones close to you know how much they mean to you...

I have been planning for today for about 4 days now, i know he didn't like me to get him anything because to him this day is still the same like any other day. But i wanted to do something for him, i realize i always like to show my affection for him and loves to do things for him. Some how, i like seeing his reaction when receiving something i have done.
And the worse part is i cannot get him to co-operate with me if i want to bring him out for a simple dinner. We hardly go out because he have to study and i dun want him to spend so much money, but since it is something special, why not? Why not go out to have a dinner or even catch a movie?

But he couldn't because i know he doesn't want me to spend the money on him and rather that i save the money for something more important than that. But to me i am ok with spending the money on that day, it is not like i get to go out with him that often. He have to spend the day with his family that i understand, of course i do. It is not the 'Not spending time with me' that i am sad about.

It is the things that he said about going over to his house. That i shouldn't go over too often, at first i though it is because he felt that i always have to run here and there so he didn't want me to go over. But then he replied me that it was becoming a habit and it should stop. For a moment, of course what he said hurts, it hurts a lot. But then when i think about it, i know that that wasn't his house and it will be very ill mannered for me to keep going into someone else's house to meet and spend time with someone who dun own the house. So i understand.

I know that what he meant wasn't to push me away, but as someone who loves you and wants to be with you, of course it hurts. Somethings just can't be sugar coated it had to be said and he said it. I know where he is coming from, that we should also spare a though for other people's feelings and understand them.

Still as a gf i did something for him and i guess i will be giving it to him tml then. I spent a lot of time on it and i really wanted it to be the best and represent how much he meant to me.. Anyways i feel much better pouring all whatever i have stored up inside....
That's all peeps...
Byezzzz!!!!!

Go away...

2010-09-12T00:52:00.004+08:00

"Grace, I tell you something. You don't be angry ok."

I dun understand, if you think that i will be angry when you say something like that then dun say, cause no matter how i say i dun care or dun mind. I still will.

I am not like my sisters, all pretty and demure and well brought up. Well i am well brought up but in a different way i am sure of it. I am not like them, how many times have i shown you that i am not. And how many times have you told me to be like them.

I am sorry, i cannot and will not do that. I am who i am. I can't be somebody i am not. What kind of people lives their life base on another person's ideal life? Maybe there is, but i am sure as hell i am not one of them. I am going to life my life the way i want and make it out to be.

Is it about time to accept the fact that maybe i am different from what i used to be 1 year ago?

You cannot assume that after being through all that, i will still be the same. I have a new life, a new start from it all. And i will move one, with my own set of rules and principle to follow.

Whether you like it or not, your little gal now wear heels, instead of slippers or sandals. have a bf instead of just friends, and that you little gal grows more and more mature every single day when you are not around.

So why oh why, can't you accept what you see and the way i am ? I am not like my sisters, i am not demure or gentle or pretty....

I am... just Me..

I have a different group of friends and i know people that will never be in my sisters social circle. But that doesn't mean that they are all bad right? You cannot judge a book by it cover. Cause if you are, then you are judging me too.

Dun i deserve to make friends and chose them for who they are, dun i deserve to fall and learnt to pick myself up? I have been doing that for god knows how long. What makes you think i am not strong enough?

Every time when i try to show my true self, you all will judge, "Grace, dun wear like that." "Grace, dun talk that way."

Doesn't mean my sisters dun wear like that or dun say certain things, i have to be like them. I am NOT.

I am not them, and i will never be. So if your expectations is for me to be like them, then i dun think i make the mark. Cause i when off course a long time ago. I am more open toward life and i am more wild and free. But despite all, i know my limits. Maybe it is difficult to believe me. But i never skip school to go out with my friends or even to fail an assignment. Believe it or not, i still feel guilty if i go and have fun without doing my work first.

I will always worry about my work.

I am starting to think that you all will never know who i really am even when i am all grown up. Yes, of course there are a lot of things to learn in life, but aren't we all ? I dun think i will lose to any of my sisters. So maybe i am the black sheep of the family. I dun mind as long as i am good at what i am doing and i believe in myself.

I can't live my life using the rules you set out for me. You tell me to listen to you and i will not go wrong, but how true is that? Have you looked at your life? No one is really correct about anything. You once said that anybody and everybody can give you advice but you can chose which one to take and which one to listen and shut off.

Well then, i chose my own set of advice for myself. I have my own set of rules according to my own life, and i will learnt how to minus and add them as i go through in life. But you have to know that you cannot teach me everything in life, neither can you watch over me forever.

So why not learn to let me go slowly now, step by step. Accept the things you cannot change. Every child wants to be accepted by their parents, if you love me then why can't you see me for me and not me living under the shadows of my sister? Why must you make me uncomfortable in my own skin?

I have accepted you for who you are. Within a year of the separation both parents have found some one they love. When you told me that you have someone you wanted me to meet and i have to be polite and good to her. Did i say anything bad or childish?

I remember i told you i know and i understand, Because i think of you. I dun want you to live alone with no one to be with you when you are old. Everybody came to me and help you explain and tell me to be more understanding. What makes you think i will create trouble for you and demand my father back? I didn't, even though i know who she really is. Did i say anything? No i didn't, i ACCEPTED YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE AND YOUR ACTIONS. Because i love you so i know that if this makes you happy and satisfied in life then go ahead. I will support you and i will be good to her as long as she is good to you.

Then why can't you show me the same courtesy? Just because you are older then me doesn't make you right always. People makes mistakes, it says PEOPLE not Young people. So please dun assume that you are always right.

When Mel (sorry to pull my sister into the picture) had a bf at the age of 18 or 19. you told me to not say a word to her. I know it is because you feel that you owe her, cause when she was young, you didn't really fetch her to school and she have to always go to place alone. I know and i can understand that.

But to me, you think otherwise, you think i will forget all my studies and just keep thinking about love. Let me tell you, if i want to have a future with the person i love, then i have to make a future for myself. I dun want to be a burden to him. I dun want to set limits for him because of my incapabilities or clip his wings, but rather i want to be able to fly beside him and able to help him whenever he needs help.

I know what i have to do. I am not like those other gals you see or heard on tv or news. I am your daughter, if you are smart so am I smart.

I am sorry but from now onwards i am going to be who i am and when one day i decide to tell you everything about me be it through a calm voice or maybe through shouting. It is your turn to decide whether you want to accept me. Cause if you decided not to accept me, in the end of day, i know i accepted you for who you are and i did what i could.

I will live with it.

It is a Promise then?...

2010-09-04T03:08:00.010+08:00

Dear love....

I want to know you, the real you. What are you thinking? What are you feeling at a certain time? What are you doing now? What should i do?

I am a selfish lover, you may say it comes in a package... But i want to be close to you. To be able to talk to you and hear your problems.. I will always be here to hear you out. Well, i dunno how long i will be beside you, but for now all i know is that i am here.

I am here beside you for a reason.. Don't you think so, love? That out all of the people in this world i met you? That i love you for your boldness, your laughter, the way you look at me, the way you hold my hand tightly, the way you curse and scold your computer? ~ Chuckles ~

I want to be with you, beside you, around you... Call me crazy but i want to do just that.. ( Hope i am not scaring you... )

I know that you dun talk about your problems and never liked to share with anybody. You dun want to make your problem someone else's. That i understand, really i do. Even though sometimes i feel like strangling the answers out of you, or wack you very hard on the head so that the answer may magically flow out of your mouth. But i know that i can't. Nobody will talk like that.

How should i tell you how i feel, love?

Through letters that forms a word that forms a sentence that forms a paragraph that forms a story of us?

By walking up to you and hold you, to give you whatever warmth i have? To just be there?

To tell you through music? I know how you love music and how you feel free in it...

Or maybe, to give you the simplest thing i can....

A SMILE?

You said that you dun want anything for your birthday or for any occasions. Well, then i will give you something that no money can buy, i will give you a promise.

A Promise that everyday will be your happiest day with me, I will make you the happiest old man in the world... ( Daring thought? Yes it is, but no regrets. I know that... )

I promise...

I know what i have to do....

I will use all of the above, I will say the most beautiful words to you when you need the

the most, i will walk beside you through it all, even though if we are stepping on thorns and

needles, i won't give up ( so you jolly well don't ), I will sing to you ( Haha... i am not bad actually,

no seriously) and every time when you turn back. i will be around to smile to you when you are

in doubt.

No, i dun need you to tell what happen, i just need you to let me by your side. I dun need to

know everything but i need to be beside you...

~ Will you do that, love? ~

~ Will you give me this promise in return? ~

Home.....

2010-08-07T00:17:00.003+08:00

I can't find It
the place where i belong.
It is as though it has gone ahead without me,
have i lost the warmth?
I dunno...
All i know is that i found the home in someone else,
who is not even part of my family.
But nevertheless, i found it...

I can't leave you now.
You say ' you dunno how long we will last.'
Ans so do I, I am not going to let go and just give up or let fate decide everything.
I love you... Even though i say it almost every time i see you.
It is because i afraid that you do not feel the same way.
So every time when you say it back, I feel as though a rock has been thrown off my shoulders..

When you say. you are going to leave this country and go to some where far
and that i could join you later.
My heart dies a little in me.
Because i cannot see myself living without you.
You dun understand how much you have become a part of my life.
I was like a house, old and broken, all torn up inside with no one i could trust.
You came around, even though there was some confusion along the way.
But you still came after all. and it was as though there is was a roof built on top of me.
And i was no longer exposed to the wind and the rain, I was taken away from all these.
And found a little piece of heaven in this world.

Living with you these past few days, only makes me realize how much i dun want to go or let go of anything that we share.
All the more, I want to protect it and give it my all.

So please dun say you will go.
Please dun say you dunno whether we will be together til the day you can and will leave this country.

Cause i dun want to be left alone.
Cause i dun want to be leave you.
Cause i need you like a heart needs a beat.
Cause despite all that, i am not just made of flesh and bone and i cannot live and die on earth alone.

I am made up the love i feel from the people i love.
I am made up of the dreams i have for us and myself,
I am made up of the courage you and my sisters give me,

I am made up of the heart that beats for you when your lips graze mine, when your hand find mine and how is fits perfectly in yours.

So please say that you will be there till the last moment.
And that i no longer have to sail or walk alone.

That even though there is a whole ocean to sail across,
a tall and unreachable mountain to conquer.
or a tough and rocky terrain to trek,
there will always be a home to go to
because i am home wherever you are.

And He held my hand in his.... Never letting go....

2010-08-03T01:26:00.006+08:00

Finally was able to meet up with Ah Yong... Missed him soo much.. We didn't see each other after da jie bday celebration.. I missed him so badly, even though we talked on the phone and also sms each other daily but nothing beats the warm of his body close to mine or how my hand fit nicely in his... RIGHT??? (all you young lovers out there)

We went to Sim Lim Square to follow him collect something from his boss and then when to Cityhall to bank in his pay cheque... Oh and on Friday night, he told me that his mother asked me to prepare or make an anniversary gift for his older brother.. So i decided to make for them an origami book.... So on Saturday, after going to Cityhall, we went to Diaso... Cause i like the origami paper there and it was also cheap.. Hee.. Everything $2 nia...

He held my hands from the moment we met all the way home.. And there was one moment where i kept shaking his hands off because i had sweaty palm and i didn't want to....... (

you know... make your bf feel gross or uncomfortable)

But he got 'angry' and said " You dun like to hold my hand is it? I kept holding your hand. you kept pushing me away!! Why holding hand not important arh... Dun hold then hold lor.. " Hahaha.. When he said that i felt as though finally there was someone like me who need the touch of someone they love to feel close and connected and holding hands was one of them and he felt it too.. Hahaha.. So i immediately held his hand and never let go.. Hahaha..

I also explain to him that my palms are sweaty and he said SO? And held on to it tighter and say now my hands also sweaty what.. Hahaha... I love him.. Ah yong!!! haha...

Furthermore, I was sick but i still managed to get off my ass and go out with him... On Saturday, however i realize that i actually got worse.. and had fever by the time i was in his house.. Laying on his bed.. Seriously i was scare sia.. I didn't expect to get so sick, or even thought it was going to be so serious... On the way home he bought sweets to help with my cough and sore throat... He also bought me Liang Teh to drink.. Hahaha...

The best part was his mother and him... The way his mother and he treated me when i was sick was sooooo comforting and touching sia.. Really i swear i almost cried.. Haha... I told him that i was hungry but i didn't want to eat food as in a who meal.. So i said maybe bread or something like that ba... but what i mean was plain bread..

He went out to get me some more water and was taking quite awhile to come back.. So i went out to find him and found his mother and him making a sandwich for me to eat. He even made egg mayo to go with the sandwich.. His mother and him were fussing about what to put and what not to put in the sandwich since i was sick and couldn't eat anymore heaty stuffs.... Hahaaha.. i truly felt loved..

And for dinner he made spaghetti for me to eat.. Hahaha... I told him thank you like a lot of times and i said cause nobody ever did it for me....

And guess what he said???

~" But now got me already what?" ~

~And yes... I will always have you....~

Da jie gathering Her 19th birthday...

2010-08-02T23:59:00.004+08:00

Hahaha.. This post is super long over due.. we went to Vivo city to celebrate Da Jie birthday and also had a gathering since it was s long time we saw each other.. Francis, Sean, Er jie, Yong Zhen , Da jie and James...

However the photos are taken after the celebration of da jie bday when she went home..

I felt so loved by him.. once again he never fails to amazes me.. Hahaha... Of how much he actually cares for me..

All these photos are taken at vivo city before we left for his house.. Hee.. so many expression was happening... That is super rare sia.. Hahaha... My silly old man..

Now is the pictures with my biatch.... He just got out from reservist... Hahaha... So dun mind his super short hair.. Hahaha...

Look at his face.. SOOO CUTEE sia.. Hahaha...

Finally was able to see him.. Been complaining that i never sms him when he was in camp.. and one i did he say is because he complaint so i have no choice but to sms him too... Hais... horrible man sia..

Ah yong hand behind us.. Hahaha..

Bo Peep Bo Peep....

After on the way home... Ah yong and me took the bus home.. And I was freezing on the bus.. He held my hands along the way home and sometimes he will rub his palms together and place it on my face and hands.. Hahaha.. i was so touched by what he did. No one ever did that to me... So i was caught off guard... it was these little things that makes the relationship stronger not those things he buy for you..

Hahahaha... i know i am lucky!! hee.. what can is say..

Dear mum....

2010-07-23T11:48:00.003+08:00

Dear Mum,
Recently i dunno what you are trying to do in your relationship with Eric. I am always here for you. I will be there when you fall and i will hold on to you and never let go. But I dun want you to get hurt again! Getting hurt in the last marriage is enough, you dun have to suffer again in another marriage, you don't deserve it.

Mum, please listen to what i have to say, I really want you to be happy and able to date someone who love you for who you are. And you dun have to constantly chase after him, you can do it for one year. two years then what about 30 years down the road? Can you still promise yourself that you will be able to do it? Dun you feel tired? I know how tiring it can be.

Dun make the same mistake again. I am worried whether can he stand up to his family and tell them, so what if you are divorce and have a 19 year old daughter. I want him to want, just as you are. I dun want you to be bullied by his family after you are in the family. I will not allow it, I will be come the bad daughter to prevent anything like that to happen. I dun care whether you will hate me, I cannot see you suffer again! I just can't.

I am sorry Mum. I love you too much to see you walk off a cliff and into the pit of fire. I just can't! I want to see him, i want to ask him. How far does he see you with him? I want to know what does he have planned for you two both... I dun care if i play the bitch here.. But i will get my answers.

So mum please listen and weight the pros and cons. Because you dunno how far the ripples of your actions goes. Please listen...

Food ART......

2010-07-19T20:28:00.003+08:00

Pac man, I love the ghosts..

Cute little robots, I love the red one and the last one..

My favorite of all... I love the milkshakes.. The straws are so cute!!

Dun you feel happy looking of food or pastries so carefully made and decorated so perfectly that you feel that it should not be eaten but instead placed in a museum?

I have no idea how to eat it, i can't even stop looking at it, let alone place the damn thing in my mouth!! I will feel damn guilty eating it, i tell ya...

Hais... How i wish i am able to make such beautiful cupcakes too...

---- Awwwww Man ----

Because i love the way his hand reach out to hold mine....

2010-07-18T05:35:00.007+08:00

My boyfriend is a heartless bastard and this bastard stole my heart away.....
Heart of stone...

Because i love the way his hand reach out to hold mine....

Love the way he talks to the cat at the bus stop (and many more animals and non living objects) ....

Love the way he hugs me to sleep...

Love the way he give me a cheeky smile....

Love the way he pulls the chair, i am sitting on towards him to kiss me...

Loves the way he laugh at something or someone stupid.....

Love the way how considerate he is to me....

--- Indulge me for awhile ---

Mummy dearest...........

2010-07-18T04:55:00.006+08:00

Mum and I have grown apart... Not like we dun talk to each other anymore, it is just that we dun feel a need to tell everything to each other... I dun like this change because i was so close to her before.. And like what my aunt say, If i dun keep this bond close then the link between us will be gone... I can't bare to see it be gone just like that...

When she is not at home and i am left alone in the room.. The whole room feels like this picture... I feel so alone and sometimes empty.. That's why i dun like to stay at home when she is not there... I am made by god to live my life with some one and to share whatever i am going through in my life. I need to talk to someone and feel the warmth that that special someone emits when he hugs me or hold my hands when i am cold... I can't live alone... I just can't....

I cannot sail alone in the sea. I need someone to be there to guide me and be there for me through the stormy sea. And i have realize that my mother is no longer that person there for me.. Yes, she will be there if i ever needed help. But i know myself that i will never ask her, if i know that what i am asking is too much... Cause she have her own life and own set of problems...

And i have believe that i have found that someone, who i have unknowingly become so depend on. I have been staying over at his house quite often, so much so that sometimes when i am at home, i am not use to the quietness in my house... Without him beside me.. Hahaha... Even though he is playing his games on the computer and i am laying on his bed watching my TV series on my lappy... I still feel at least he is there...

We had our first argument on Tuesday and that was when i realize that whatever he does really affect me... Creepy!!!! Hahaha... I will always sms him whenever i am free.. Cause i know that he is not very good in starting a conversation on sms or even on the phone.. He is more of a face to face person. So during that period i almost died!!! I swear..... Cause i wasn't able to talk to him and i didn't want him to continue being mad at me..

So in the end i sms him this " Are you still mad at me or will you let me spend my holidays with you?" Hahaha... I admit. i broke the silence... I dun think that he will sms me if i dun talk to him for 3 days.. He will think that i am very busy doing stuffs.. Hais...

All i know is that i love him and that he is already a part in my life...

P.s When i am over at his house, I feel as though i am already living with him. And even though we hardly go out to shopping malls or fancy restaurant to dine, i still feel very happy and loved.

Our first MONTH!!!

2010-07-05T07:15:00.003+08:00

1 July 2010

This is a very late update of our first month together, but nevertheless here are the photos...

I feel that time passes so fast, last time i was bothered about how is this relationship going to end? ( As in will we be together?) I kept wondering and guessing what is he thinking or what does this action means. But now i am not anymore, if i have any doubts i am able to tell him straight away and let him know how i feel. I dun have to guess anymore. We are together for one month already, everything is fine and i feel very blessed to have met him and move on from my previous relationship. I am very happy, i really am.

I bet you never see this side of him before!! Hahaha... I like this photo cause it is totally fake but he look so cute sia.. Like a little kid.. Hahaha... Me likes..

Ok this is me being Farking Retarded... But nevertheless this is his fav pic.. So i decided to put it in too... Hahaha... the next one will be the retarded picture of both of us..

Now this is the retarded pic!! Nice right? Hahaha.. Who am i kidding we both look weird... Hahaha... I love Ah yong face... I have never seen him make this type of face before... As in the first picture he did it a couple of times before i caught it on camera.. But this face was epic sia... I love it!! Show me a whole new side of Ah Yong.. Hahaha...

Please look at Ah Yong CONTENTED face!! Hahaha... Sorry if my face is like too BIG cause he is damn tall lah!! I have to freaking tip toe to do that... so BU HAO YI SHI if my face is like taking half of the picture...

Finally one normal picture!! I love this out of the whole bunch.. NICE NICE NICE NICE NICE!!! I can't stop staring at the picture. Cause we look just so normal and happy.. EVEN though we are not like grinning ear to ear but we both look genuinely happy and contented dun you think?

3 years later......

2010-07-01T16:33:00.006+08:00

This is something close to my dream house!! You will know why is suddenly say this statement...

We were eating at a hawker centre near his apartment, we found our seats and order curry chicken curry. As we sat down and began to eat and i want to add, I WAS STARVING!! So basically i was very engross on how to eat the chicken thigh without getting myself cover with curry.. Opps.. I have just reveal my not so good side... ~ shy ~

Then he suddenly said: "I wonder where will you be in 3 years time from now"
NOTE : He said when will YOU be...."
And not : " where will WE be in 3 years time... "

I was sad as i though he didn't see us together after 3 years.. What the hell right!!!
I know he was waiting for my reply cause he went silent for a while, but i couldn't answer him cause i was busy eating the chicken thigh... heee...

So i tried to make a sound like " hmmm...." Hahaha retarded i know, i dun want him to think that i am ignoring him what!!! Anyway he continue after the retarded me make some noise...
He said : " You will be working, I will have my bike and we will have ..........

OUR APARTMENT AND I CAN DRIVE YOU TO WORK."

I was suddenly on cloud nine again!!! Was in shock actually!! My whole world was spinning!! He actually plan about it!! Even though it is only three years later but he did include me in his life!! I am mad happy sia!!1 Seriously i was damn happy!! I cannot place enough emphasis on how happy i was feeling!!!

Again the things he said, surprise me!! He never fails to do it and it only makes me love him more... He plays a huge part in my life unknowingly but i know that i have to be independent and i cannot always depend on him too!!!

But nevertheless, i know if the sky is falling, my dear old man, Ah Yong, will be there to hold it for me!! Hahaa..

AND FOR THAT I WILL BE WILLING TO DO EVEN MORE FOR YOU, MR PRATA MAN!!

The things that you say

2010-07-01T14:48:00.004+08:00

On 26/06/2010

You said " lets go and see couple lab."

I said "Orh."

Feeling weird and uneasy, cause i dunno why suddenly you want to go there. But nevertheless, we went.

Then you said " WE should get a ring."

I place a huge emphasis on the WE cause of a second i heard as "I should get a ring" I as in him.

But he is not someone who will spend money on making himself look good or what, cause he doesn't like to spend on money on unnecessary things.

Then i said " FOR?"

Oh for goodness sake!! Grace!! All you can say is FOR? For you and him lah!! You retarded gal!!!

I know I was recovering from shock but i have no control over my mouth and brain for that one second!!! My brain was experiencing 10000000 volts of electricity going through my brain!!! Once the word left my mouth and i realize what i say.

I had to control the urge of ramming my self into the nearest wall. And just die there!!!

Then later at night we were talking on Msn

and

He said " Was actually thinking of getting it for quite some time already but just dunno your ring size. "

Oh my gosh, i wanted to cry at that very moment!! Hahaha... I believe anybody who knows him, knows that he doesn't say these things at all.. So when he said it to me, maybe to him it was just saying something, like how do you do... But to me it really means something important!!

I am soooo grateful and happy to have him in life!! And yes people i know that i am still in the honeymoon period ok!!! But as my BIATCH say just enjoy the moment!! hee...

----I love you!!----

2010-06-26T08:33:00.000+08:00

Now is 8.32 am in the morning!! I feel like a pair of smelly socks!! And the picture is the better version of what i am thinking in my head now! I when to his to fix my lappy and in the end spend the night over at his house.. And i am some one who dun like to bath in some one else's house, even though it is my boyfriend house... nope more the more it is my BOYFRIEND house!! I am not going to bath in a house full of strangers and mainly of then guys.

Then it was actually planned to wake up at 7.00 he was suppose to reach marina at 8.00am thus we were suppose to leave the house at 7.15 BUT we slept at 2.00am las night thus we WOKE up late!! At 8.00!!! Oh man, then i have no time to go home and change or even BATH!!

PLEASE DUN JUDGE PLEASE!! I DUN HAVE A CHOICE CAUSE THERE IS NO TIME TO EVEN GO HOME AGAIN AND WAIT FOR THE BUS AGAIN AND EVEN TAKE OFF MY CLOTHES TO EVEN STEP INTO THE BATHROOM TO TURN ON THE TAP!!!! I AM DEAD SERIOUS!!!

Now even he say i am lupsup ( hokkien for dirty) Which i am not!!! I refused to admit it!!!

----I REFUSE!!!----

Missed School!! And i am not happy!!

2010-06-25T20:21:00.000+08:00

Was suppose to go to school today but i woke up late!! Oh man, I am so screwed.. Wanted to still try to at least go to school but i know i will be scold by Desmond so the idea was completely 'pop' outta my head. Then stayed at home until 2 plus before leaving for Seow Ying house to do my report and spend some time with her. Cause we were suppose to go and cycle cause she suddenly had the urge to go and do it, but i wasn't free... Well i though i wasn't free, but instead i was cause i MISSED fucking school!!! Damn it!

I feel so damn lazy and i hate it!!! I love school!! I know you must be thinking why am i bitching about missing one lesson but i just dun like it!! At that moment that idea of missing school was great but after an hour later when you are at home but suppose to be at school sitting with your friends madly typing away on your com cause the lecturer is talking mad fast, and tat you are sooo freaking KIASU that you want to take everything down!!!

And now my lappy has also given up hope on me!! It is going to die soon, or i think it is... I dunno which is which.. but anyway it is infested with virus and i am shoo sorry for neglecting it and letting the virus eat it from the inside!! I am sorry LAPPY!!! ARGH!!! Freaking virus!!
So now i am at his house, letting him try to save my com and hope that it will see my effort in wanting to cure it and it will SURVIVE!!!

And also along the way i have to pass by my school cause he lives opposite my school!!! It reminds me of my lesson i was suppose to be attending in the freaking Afternoon!! ARGH!!!! DOUBLE BLOW!!!

Ok nothing left to say!! I will be going then!!

----I am SAD =(----

POCKY!...... ME LOVES.....

2010-06-24T13:45:00.000+08:00

POCKY!!!!

For this month, my module is about brand building. So i will have to choose a brand which i am going to focus throughout the whole month.. And the BRAND that pop into my head was none other then POCKY!!! I just love this cute , little adorable snack!! Don't you agree?

I remember when i was in China i was soooo addicted to POCKY that i would really buy all the flavors there is on the shelf!! There was sooooo many flavors!! Which gets me wondering why, Singapore don't have these flavors arh!! I am very upset sia! When i had to leave my POCKIES wrappers in China!!

Me loves POCKY!!!! Especially the POCKIES featured in anime... They look soooo CUTE!! hahaha.... I am going mad...

SEEEEEE!!!! Very cute right?

Hais.. ok enough of my nonsensical rumblings...
I shall be on my jolly merry way to write my report in my adorable POCKIES!!
Ciao!!!

Dear MUMMY.... With love your daughter With Love,

2010-06-23T18:43:00.000+08:00

She was so young with such innocent eyes
She always dreamt of a fairytale life
And all the things that your money can't buy
She thought that he was a wonderful guy
Then suddenly, things seemed to changeIt was the moment she took on his name
He took his anger out on her face
She kept all of her pain locked away

Oh mother, be stronger
From all of the tears you have shed
Oh mother, don't look back
Cause he'll never hurt us again
So mother, I thank you
For all that you've done and still do
You got me, I got you
Together we always pull through
We always pull through
We always pull through
Oh mother, oh mother, oh mother
It was the day that he turned on the kidsThat she knew she just had to leave him
So many voices inside of her head
Saying over and over and over,
"You deserve much more than this."
She was so sick of believing the lies and trying to hide
Covering the cuts and bruises (cuts and bruises)
So tired of defending her life, she could have died
Fighting for the lives of her children

Oh mother, be strongerFrom all of the tears you have shed (all of the tears you have shed)
Oh mother, don't look back
Cause he'll never hurt us again (he'll never hurt us again)

So mother, I thank you (thank you)For all that you've done and still do (still do)
You got me, I got you, (yeah you got me and I got you)
Together we always pull through.
Oh mother, oh mother, oh mother

All of your life you have spent
burying hurt and regret
But mama, he'll never touch us again

For every time he tried to bring you down
Just remember who stood aroundIt's over, and we're stronger
And we'll never have to go back again
Oh mother, be stronger
From all of the tears you have shed
Oh mother, don't look back (oh mother don't look back again)
Cause he'll never hurt us again (cause he'll never hurt us again)

So mother, I thank you (and I thank you for all that you've done)
For all that you've done and still do (together we always move on)
You got me, I got you, (you got me, I got you)Together we always pull through (always pull through)
We always pull through
We always pull through

I love you mom

Dear Mummy, this post is for you. I am so happy to have been a part of your life. Even though there are things we have been though wasn't so pleasant. And in fact almost cost you everything. But we have made it through, We made it out and have been living on our own ever since. I NEVER once regret walking out with you. I am even more proud to have said that i was there and i made it out.

Now one year since we have left, I am happy for you because you have learn to move on. You have found another love in your life. I am finally at ease, knowing that you have found someone you have been longer for. No matter what they think or say, i am always here for you. I am your mountain and your pillar of strength. Even though for now, it is been taken over by the one you love, i will still be sitting in the dark watching over you... ( not trying to sound creepy)

Even though i have also found someone whom i love, you are always going to stay in my heart.

I am forever yours, mum......

-----I LOVE YOU----

Dear DADDY...... With Love, your daughter

2010-06-23T18:23:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time there was a girl
In her early years she had to learn
How to grow up living in a war that she called home
Never know just where to turn for shelter from the storm
Hurt me to see the pain across my mother's face
Everytime my father's fist would put her in her place
Hearing all the yelling I would cry up in my roomHoping it would be over soon

Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same
And I still remember how you kept me so afraid
Strength is my mother for all the love she gave
Every morning that I wake I look back to yesterday
And I'm OK

I often wonder why I carry all this guilt
When it's you that helped me put up all these walls I've built
Shadows stir at night through a crack in the doorThe echo of a broken child screaming "please no more"
Daddy, don't you understand the damage you have done
To you it's just a memory, but for me it still lives on

Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same
And I still remember how you kept me so, so afraid
Strength is my mother for all the love she gave
Every morning that I wake I look back to yesterday
It's not so easy to forget
All the lines you left along her neck
When I was thrown against cold stairs
And every day I'm afraid to come home
In fear of what I might see there

Bruises fade father but the pain remains the same
And I still remember how you kept me so afraid
Strength is my mother for all the love she gave

Every morning that I wake I look back to yesterday
And I'm OK
I'm OK

Dear Daddy, if you are here to read this. This was how i felt, all these years, but i tell myself that i will move on and still reach out and hold on to your hand. Cause despite all the hurt i have been through with my mother , all the tears i have shed, all the pain i have experience throughout these 16 years, i still want you.

----Cause after all that I STILL LOVE YOU----

I still want you to be there when i graduate.

I want you to be there, hearing me telling you that i have pass my driving lesson.

I still want you to sit in my car and yell at me for not driving properly.

I still want you to be there on my 21st birthday.

I still want you to be there when i introduce to you the man of my dreams, someone that will be protecting and taking of me in your place.

I still want you to walk me down the aisle.

I still want to see that kind smile one your face when you have become a grandfather and all the interesting things you will pass on to your grandchildren.

I still want to see how you open all the presents on your 100th birthday.

I just want you to be the father you are, caring, concern, loving, funny. quick witted, ever supportive, ever protective, ever mine.

No matter what happen, No matter how far or near i am.

Daddy, I am and will always be your little girl.

With Love your daughter,

Grace

-----I LOVE YOU-----

Let's make LOVE that will shame the sun......

2010-06-23T01:45:00.001+08:00

I have no idea why i just love this song... Hearing it makes me think of you... I feel so calm and peaceful just listening to her voice and it feel as though i am laying on a huge fluffy comfy cloud.... .....ME LOVES....

ALL I SEE IS LOVE!!! Yes, people i am lovestruck... I am proud to be one too... I am loving the feeling of being in love with the person i hold so dear in my life. I am soo happy to have met you,

I really am...

So no matter what i write will not express what i am feeling now!!!!
Found this poem in my diary from 2 years back.

I love you , my dear

to love myself.

No earthly pride,

no common wealth.

For love is life,

'tis all too true.

I live my life,

just to love you.

= Mark Abbott=

Hahaha... erm.. but i think the last sentence very stressful right?

I have seen my fair share of people breaking up, meeting someone new in their life, making a huge mistake that cost the whole relationship, hanging on to a relationship that has no life but still doesn't want to believe that is gone, love turns to hate and misery.

Some times i feel bless that even though i come from a broken up family. To me i have seen what love can and cannot do. It can blind a person but yet it can give a person the strength to do anything despite everyone is against it.

And because of my parents i see too much since a child, that i come to treasure all the relationship i have in my life. Because i know how hard it is trying to maintain a relationship and how difficult it is to meet someone that you love and loves you back.

So for this i Thank you, Daddy, Mummy.
Thank you for spending 17 years of my life showing me a lifetime worth of lessons on love.

And to the person in my life now, thank you for just being you....
AND LET'S MAKE LOVE THAT WILL SHAME THE SUN, YA? =)

----I promise i won't be like you----

Dorky Dorky.... Choo Choo....

2010-06-19T23:08:00.001+08:00

Took this picture in the photo booth in the arcade without anyone knowing... Hee.... So long never see Mami already for almost one week!!! I really miss her and her saying " Grace arh!! " whenever i do something not lady like.. Hahaha... Just love to piss her off...

Mami Eating this huge ass chocolate fudge tier layered cake! Seriously i swear it looks huge and it is super tall and big.. i really admire her for eating everything on that plate!! Just eat and eat and eat....

Concentration!!! Actually i think she also look scare just by looking at it.

Me trying on Mami's glasses!! Camwhore for abit...

I like the pic the most!! I look funny sia!!

Anyway was fun cause i was able to meet with MAMI!!! And i had a long conversation with Ah Yong today!! Me LOVES.... Miss him soo even though it has only been 2 days... But well if you are in love, this is quite normal i guess... Hee...

Yay, maybe tml i will going out with him. Cause god knows when he will be free to go out with me again once his work start on 22 next Tuesday... I will be damn sad cannot see him, but will make a point to call him and sms him ba.. Hope he doesn't think i am being such a bother to him... (Fingers cross) I am looking forward for tml!! Think i shall wear the long dress ba.... Must at least let him see a bit of the girly side first before he starts work and disappear sia!!!

Sad today was at SUNTEC the whole day and he was at SWISS HOTEL. We were so close yet so far sia... If i have known then could ask him out for lunch and maybe dinner too.. sob sob... If i am not at my father's house, i would have waited for him to get off work and go home with him together.... And maybe bought donuts as supper for him... But all well, i missed it... Sob sob...

Oh yar i bought a frog mouse today!!! YAY!!! i love it!! So happy to being using it now!! The feeling is great... Yes i know i am finding happiness in the simplest things in life like a very simple frog shape mouse!! But that is what makes up life right? All the little things....

Ok will post more pictures tml if possible... On our Second outing ba... hahaha... Well will do it soon!!!

Miss ya Ah Yong!!!

Explanations and Misunderstanding

2010-06-19T01:14:00.000+08:00

I didn't think that you would think that way and was so angry to the point that you wouldn't give us a chance to explain and just assume about it. You know me better than anyone for such a long time, you mean the world to me. Both you and da jie, how you guys view me is the most important. You guys have been there for me for so long so you all should know better.

What you have said to me was hurtful and uncalled for. Maybe it was because i was too sensitive about what you say. But that is because you mean a lot to me, thus the assumption about what you meant in your texts.

But i am glad that everything is being cleared and that there is no more misunderstanding between us. You are always my sister and a friend to me.... I really hope you can continue to be in my life and support me when i fall... I will do the same and even more for you, this i am sure...

Today i learnt that no matter how strong a friendship or sisterhood is it can be broken through misunderstanding and communication breakdown.... Until it really touch and burn you, you will then realize how fragile and small it is. And we should learn to carry it in the palm of hands and protect it like no other. Never letting anything or anyone come close to it, to even take a peek as to what is holding all together... I was made in flesh and bones and but you guys are my heart and blood, i will never trade you guys for anything in the world....

.........This i promise........

Mr Prata Man to the rescue!!!

2010-06-18T03:36:00.000+08:00

I just came back from staying at his house for almost 2 days. Recently have been going to his house often during the start of my holidays.. Missed him very much...

Anyway, we went to Ikea out first outing... Wanted to wear a dress but in the end i realize that it wasn't dry yet and it was raining since morning!!! So Shiok i tell ya... Almost didn't want to get up.

I was debating what to wear, LONG DRESS OR SHORT DRESS?? In the end, i wore my usual tank top and my shorts which he always sees me in. So he didn't see my girly side yet.. Oh well never mind, he will see it soon... I plan to wear dress to the next outing and then he will see my girly side... Muwahahaha.....

So after the trip to ikea and after eating 2 hotdogs Ah Yong was still hungry and so we proceed to Giant to get Sushi!! Hahaha.. On the way to get the sushi, Ah Yong took my camera and start taking random shots, trying to improve his camera skills... hahaha...

Anyway once we bought the sushi, we sat down at the bench outside Giant cashier area. He wanted to eat the tako (Octopus) Sushi but knew that i like it, so he gave it to me... I was very happy when he did that... B never did this type of things to me before. I really felt lucky to have met Ah Yong... ~Smiles~

Then we when to take a shuttle bus from Ikea to Bedok MRT then make our way to Plaza Sing to meet er jie, Sean and da jie to have dinner together... But on the way to Bedok the dinner was sadly cancelled. So we headed back to Tampines to catch a Movie called The A-Team. Which was pretty good, i feel.. Our first movie!! Hahaha... I was a happy person that day..

Then we went back home... His mother was surprising friendly and good towards me... I felt really happy about that, i was easily accepted to a small part of his life... Well, i will try my best to remain there for the longest time possible alright? Hee... :D

Oh on Monday i stayed over at his house again, and that time i actually cooked!! He cooked tom yam for me, something he owe me since we knew each other.. And i fry vegetables with the help from him, but nevertheless i touched the frying pan!! I know you all must be thinking i am very useless cause i never actually cooked before..But really i dun really know how to cook.. But i know the procedures and how it is being done... I have observe my Grandma and Aunt cooked before and i find it to be very fun and entertaining if it is being done as a couple..

Oh gosh tom yam was fabulous!! I loved it, the spiciness i can still take it though. But he really can eat a lot of chili sia...I am now officially scared for my taste buds... Sob sob!!

Oh sidetrack for awhile... But his mother bought a pair of slippers for me, cause she notice that my slippers was going to spoil.. WOW, my eyes is watery sia!!! I am sooooooooooo x 100000 times touched.. I overwhelmed by her friendlessness and how she open up to me..

Now the main purpose for this post is to let me, of course bullshit but to also give my dear Ah Pek, Ah Yong, Ali, Cranky old man credit for this the blog skin... He help me up load pictures and taught me stuffs to do about the blog.. I kept changing pictures edit here and there, change here and there.. He never, not even once complain about it!!! Just listening to me and helping me one request at a time.. Sob sob... I wanna cry.. (T.T) haha...

All I wanna say is, I love dear!!! I know from the start and this feeling will not stop!! Hee... I am always here for you, even when you least expect it, i will be at your side to hold your hand through the storm. You can count on that!!

MUCKS PEOPLE! I HAD A WONDERFUL AND JOYOUS DAY, HOW ABOUT YOU?
PEACE Y'ALL!!!

2010-06-16T07:59:00.000+08:00

Yay!! I will be going out with him for our like so called first date ba...

If that's what you call it. Hee...

I am happy and excited!! We will be going to Ikea to have lunch and shop around for his speakers and to find something to hang the painting I did for him...

I think I will post pictures soon for this blog!! Seriously my blog lag of pictures I tell ya..

I have been posting pictures on FB but never had the time to actually sit my ass in front of the com and post pictures in my blog..

So i shall start from now....

Every time i go out with him, i will be sure to take some pictures.

i realize i have been taking a lot of pictures lately and have seem to have fallen in love with it.. So yeah, i am sooo going ot start taking more and more pictures from now on.

So as to not bore my readers, if there is any by the way...

So yup will be going to go to Ikea soon and i will post something in here SOON!!!

SEE YA!! MUCKS....

Forgetting Mr Prata Man...

2010-05-23T05:40:00.000+08:00

Random right? I know about the title of the blog today yoz... But only today i felt like a kid that i was during secondary school, when i was able to laugh freely and just be the loud and wild kid i once was.. I felt a need to get away from everything in my area...

I left my house with an intend to find laughter and i found it. Today i felt that i laugh the hardest and with all the strength that i had... I was happy that for that few hours i didn't think of u...

What BIATCH said was right, talking to him only make me talk about another him even more, and yet nothing is being solve... So what is the point in talking about? It only make me more confuse, sad and lost.. So i wanted to get away from it for awhile... So i decided to move back to see my secondary school sister... Soon Seow Ying aka Dory... Hahaha..

Going back to Serangoon area i felt as though i am back to the past, when i was only a 15 year old kid... Listening to one of my sisters playing the Guzheng never fails to calm me down and make think things clearly.. As i watch her finger so gracefully move over the various string i really though about u... And felt that you were the player and i am the instrument, that you bring out the best in me.. i will produce one of the most beautiful sound... but when you are not around i tend to be quiet and i will slowly get forgotten in the background.

But i slowly had to realize that maybe your passion isn't as deep and long as i expected to be.. And now when i am left alone in the closet, i still cannot produce the exact same sound when you played me... and i know i never will... Then i know that that sound belongs to you and only you can command it. At least for that one moment when i was thinking about it i smiled.

Maybe i should just stop, thinking about everything and let it flow as it is suppose to flow... I want to help you and every time i see a lost look on your face, i really want to hold you and tell you that there is always me that you can confine to.. But i dun dare to do anything, not knowing where i stand in your life, makes me hesitate....

He once told me that i shouldn't hope for anything, when he said that my heart sank and i was prepare for the worse. I remember telling him that i had a bad feeling about it. I didn't know what it was and now i have a feeling that that day will come soon. It felt so weird cause everything felt soo right and natural. I needn't hold back anything i felt at that moment. I know what i am saying doesn't make sense, everything that is running through my head is bit and piece of incidents. Nothing make sense in the first place.

I wun forget and pretend nothing has ever happen.. I will still be that same one me.. Trying hard to be at your side when you need someone. But i dun dare hope for anything anymore. I will let fate or whatever you may call it, moves and flow as it pleases and see from there.. Where should i move from... hais..

Everyday is a gift and not a given right....

2010-04-29T13:33:00.000+08:00

I am having lesson now.. But during my morning class.. I received a bad news about one of my classmate ( well, i dun really know her well, cause she just happen to be in my elective class this sem) .. She passed away yesterday afternoon.. Sadly, it wasn't due to any sickness or something like that. She took her own life and committed suicide..

It is things like that, that gets me thinking about how priceless and precious our life is to anybody around us... And how through or actions, we can totally affect or change another person's life... How Fragile and Brittle are we, be it emotions or physical or mentally. It teaches us to be humble and to look at the world in a whole new perspective..

I feel that us, human, is like a book. If we have been hurt many times in life, gradually we will have a hard book cover around us. If we open up our hearts to strangers and welcome anybody in our lives, we have a soft book cover. And us you flip the pages in each and everyone of our books, you Will get to know us and understand us. However, there are some who dun write anything in the book for anybody else to come and read.. And while reading their book, we will often see empty pages or pages filled with ink blotches but never will we be able to understand.. Until one fine day there you suddenly find pages being ripped off and the words at the end of the page is written with blood " THE END"... And we start to wonder why and cried of our loss.

I really hope that she will be in a better place and find the pace that she wanted but couldn't find in our world. Even though i many not know you very well, but i still hope and will pray for you... May you run free on wild open field, feel the wind in your hair and the grass beneath your feet. Play the with the butterflies in the morning and the fireflies at night.... i believe you will be greatly missed...

Concentrate!!!

2010-04-26T12:32:00.002+08:00

Oh gosh recently I have been going out with him too frequently already.. And it have to stop.. But dun you ever have a feeling that you want to be with somebody all the time.. Hais.. Well I have that feeling... And i feel that i should not continue being like that anymore!!! I should concentrate on my studies.. Its already been the second week of school already and yet i am still in a holiday mood.. Which is bad, cause the longer i am in it the longer i will be able to back in my studying, kan chiong mood!! Oh gosh...

I can feel the pressure already, pilling up unknowingly behind my back.. And i have no way of handing it... How? No matter what, my studies is still the most important in this stage of my life... And i should be focusing on it. Hais... I dun think he is as effected as me lor.. Oh gosh.. what am i doing sia.. As in i enjoy every moment with him and i like to spend as much time as possible with him.. But i am starting to feel guilty for neglecting my work liao.. I know there will be a time when i will get myself back... ( myself as in my working , kan chiong self) But when sia..

So i think i will try to not meet or see him for one week.... And see how it goes.. I know i will be mad, cause i will be constantly thinking about him.. but I must discipline myself... I have to know my limits... Relationship is one thing and studies is another.... I have to see it that way... Ok i will try it then... Jia you GRACE!!! Better work your ass off!!!

CO

2010-04-26T12:32:00.001+08:00

Study!!! Come on gal!!

2010-04-23T00:16:00.000+08:00

Oh my gosh!!! My blog is really officially dead.. I haven post anything like forever!! Anyway there were many changes in my life since I last post something.. I Broke up with my BF.. After 2 years and 4 months i decided I didn't want to have to be having to accommodate to everything he needs... Dun get me wrong he is a good BF, but maybe I dun get the security and the maturity from him. And those 2 things is something that i have been trying to get out of him for the past 2 years plus...

Furthermore, after the break up I realize that I move on very fast... In an exceeding pace, I found someone that I like and which is able to give me security and the maturity level that I have always wanted.. I am able to tell him my problems and he is able to give me sound and logical reasons and advice.. I dun have to feel like an adult, just like how I feel when I am around Benji.. I feel that I am at the same level as him.. He is someone I can communicate.. But i know that I have to wait for a few more months because I just got out of a relationship.. So now we are both waiting ba...

Speaking of Benji and moving on, I am very worried about him. I am scare that he is not able to move on and let go of it. Of course i dun expect him to let go of something like that so fast but at least try to move on. He still calls me and sms me on a daily basis, and tells me that he misses me and want me to come back to him. Every time when he sends me these, I always feel like everything is too late, why didn't you tell me when i was right beside you, helping you through almost everything in your life. Why every time when i see you online and i try to talk to you online, you will just give me a half hearted answer and say that you are busy and then go offline straight away. But now when I am gone, you appear online almost all of the time.. And even have to pay for it when going online via mobile phone. WHY? Dun you feel that everything is too late? I still love you and I miss you of course, but that's all in the name of friendship. I dun have the BF feeling from you anymore.. I am sorry to have to say that.. But I will be here and when you have move on.. We will go out and have fun.. With smiles on our faces.. =)

The Scars in my life....

2010-02-19T20:28:00.000+08:00

Today my father is bringing me to see a doctor to try and remove the scars on my back. I had a lot of problem with my skin when i was young, it all started when i went to Beijing with my mother and my aunt with my relatives. My mother was sop afraid that i would catch a cold because i was only 6 years old. Thus even though we are in the hotel room where there is a heater but she was still worried about me. So she wrapped me up with a wool sweater and put me to sleep. Me being young and afraid of talking back to my mother, i felt hot but i still wore it to sleep. On the next few days my skin became worse than it was in Singapore. (In Singapore i had rashes) My skin was getting worse and worse, i begin to scratch every time i felt itchy. And thus explain all the scars on my back.

During Chinese New Year, many of my relatives kept asking me to go and see a doctor to remove my scars, after all i am a girl and i shouldn't have a back full of scars. But i personally feel that there is totally no need for that. I am able to live with it for so many years already. And i already have a Boyfriend. Removing the scar is optional to me i think. If my bf dun love me because of my skin, ( you know the template for a women is to have long hair, sexy figure, lush lips, heart shaped face and beautiful flawless SKIN)

well if he dun love me because of that well he can Go and DIE lah Seriously!!

Anyway i am going to see the doctor to see if he can do anything to make my family happy. hee.. or feel better about my illness. So i will post later, see whether the medicine really works.. then i will introduce!! see ya!!

GAMBLING DEN!!!

2010-02-16T14:03:00.000+08:00

On the third day, my family and relatives have transfrom every single house we step foot in into an gambling den!! I can officially say that we have become addicts man!! We dun stop!! Every since we have started on the first day at myfather's house. Day after day... Round 2 Round 3 and Round 4!!!

I really think that Singapore Ecomony is really that bad that we have to be like blood suckers and try toearn as much money as possible during the 3 days of Chines New Year. Yesterday i was completely sucked dry by my cousins!!! I lost my startinf capital!! Sob!! Well I will continue trying to get everything back and double it!!!

Black Jacks Here i COME!!!!

A Rough Edge..

2010-02-12T15:43:00.000+08:00

Dear God,
Thank you for giving me a wonderful family, even though it is already separated and have done its separate ways. I am still very grateful for everything. Recently, i think God, you have really answered my prayers for making him realize that he have to wake up and start studying hard and get his head in the game. So now he is really working really hard and trying his best, i believe that you gave him a wake up call. but this change was so sudden and i think i was caught off guard pretty bad. He became very driven and determine all of a sudden, his funny nature is almost all gone. Having the thought of his exams coming nearer and nearer each day must have scared him pretty bad.

All of a sudden, i felt that i couldn't reach him. He seems so far away from me. Our phone conversation became very brief and short. Both of us sound very dead on the other end of the line. I know that he was under a lot of stress and pressure from this school and family too. I just hope that he could talk to me about it like we used to. Yes, even if he would have told me, i wasn't able to do anything ti hep him. But i would still be able to reach out to him and if anything happens at least i will know and i can deal with it.

For now i am just going to be there for him and support him if he needs someone around.
I am very happy that he is starting to buck up and really wanting to learn. I dun want him to feel alone and that he doesn't have anybody to talk to when he is feeling down.

Dear God, please let me be there from him always and help him whenever he needs it.

DAMN that stupid MIRROR!! $3.90 some more!!

2009-08-31T17:57:00.004+08:00

I was looking at some stuff at comic collections and then when i was in one of the aisle, me and my ITCHY finger when to touch one already opened package. Inside was a compact mirror with a comb. I opened it with curiosity and THEN!! Suddenly the fucking mirror came tumbling down and POW PA POW CHING CHANG! It broke and luckily it didn't cut my leg!! But as my mind was processing the process... I looked up and saw the tag saying Once Broken Considered Sold!!! oh my gosh!! I was So Sian when i was these words.... Then da jie say leave it dun touch it.. Who the hell want to touch it arh!! Touch it means that i am the one who broke it lor... Even though it is me but the mirror wasn't stick properly to the watever thing it is suppose to stick to... I got to PAY for iT...

HAIs... and Then things start going down the drain for me... what a Sucky teacher's day!! even though i am not a teacher but you know!!! hais... Anyway i wanted to watch YEAR ONE one
!!! But da jie suddenly FORCED me to watch FINAL DESTINATION 3 or 4 !! aiyo i dun care lah... i asked her do i have a choice, she gave me the (~.~) face... HAIs OF COURSE NO WAY RITE? OH gosh... I am gonna pee my pants... Wish me good luck people!! I will blog when i am back! Alive i suppose... recovered from the SHOCK!!

Busy day!!! Inspire for the better things in life..... towards a fashion buyer!!

2009-08-24T17:42:00.000+08:00

So today was the start of my new block... The module was Fashion merchandising... After listening to my lecturer talk about the amount of fashion she is being exposed to and how she work as a buyer in the fashion industry... I am even more determine to be be a buyer... Cause i know that i am not able to do fashion.. Even i really hope so too... However having not only fashion sense and money sense as well, to me is a much more appealing choice... Hee...

My Lecturer also said that we as buyers have to know fashion very well thus we have to read fashion magazine constantly and be updated with what's in and what's not. We have to know what kind of product can be sold in the store and some product is already dead...

We as a buyers will be able to go all over the world attending fashion shows and bring in the latest apparel to the shop. We are able to go to various fashion capital... Such as Italy, Paris, London and Milan!!! WOW!!! I want!

YES... I know that in the fashion industry not everything is rainbow and sunshine all over... But i believe i have to passion to be in this industry... I got to be more thick skin and more bold and daring... I got to be on my game!! Hahaha....

Really hope that i will be able to excel in this field!

TO Mum....

2009-07-31T15:31:00.001+08:00

Mum i know asking you not to worry is a bit too much... Cause you are afraid of me going back to the person i am 6 years ago... But mum, i want to settle this as much as you or even more than you. i tired and sometimes i dunno how to start. I am learning and trying to adapt to whatever situation is being thrown at me. However i didn't see this specific situation coming at me during poly. I didn't. So now i am being tested whether can i make it through or am i am going to crumble because of what i have experience 6 years ago. Mum even i am have my doubts on whether can i make it anot (the problem not my studies). So Mum i am trying to adapt because this situation hit me when i wasn't looking. I need to think it through.... However i will not let it affect my studies... I know that these two problem is totally different. I dunno how to explain it to you or tell you about it because it seems so trivial.. Furthermore i dun feel comfortable telling you in this point of time because even me, myself is still trying to adapt to it. I need you to give me time and space.. Asking me to answer questions which i, myself have no answer to. I cannot communicate with you that way. I need time but meanwhile i will not let it affect my studies. This issue happen earlier on at the last block already... I got a B+ for the last block. See i am able to get good grades even when this is happening... I will not say that i am 100% fine but at least i know what i must do... I know my duty to myself. But only for today i just have no mood to think anything and to do anything... I know i am making you worried, but please dun be sooo worried... I will talk to you when i am ready, when i know how to... But just for today let me dwell on it and then the next day i will get over it and be ok already.. I am only asking for today.... Trust me mum.... I will not go back to that me 6 years ago... i have no intention of being that 'me' ever again...

It has been damn long...

2009-07-16T18:30:00.000+08:00

Oh gosh... I have been neglecting my dear diary... And for that i am sooo sorry. (^.^) I just dun have the motivation to be write anything... People!!! I am sad and feeling uneasy... Even i am happy with where i am and how things has been progressing.. But somehow i feel that i am not giving my best during this block.... I feel very lazy and sometimes i totally space out while listening to Veron or Wilson... Oh man! What am i doing? I have to buck up, seeing my friends chiong so heard for Evey individual block... I am starting to get cold feet... I dunno what is wrong with me.. I know that i still feel the same about this course and the path that i choose for me... But feeling like this is just wrong.. Oh come man!!! GRACE TEO WEI JUAN!! You have to buck up, women!!

Damn TAXI...!!!! Blood Suckers...

2009-06-21T01:15:00.000+08:00

I was at dada house and around 8 plus i told him that i have a urge to go and catch a movie... So we happily go to VivoCity to see what was available and we decided to watch State of Play.. However it was full already so we took Night at the Museum instead. By the way the movie was around 10.05 pm.. so once it ends it was already 12.25am.. There is no MRT and no Bus so i took a taxi home. But the stupid thing is i completely forget about the midnight charges thingy... And board the cab, only on the way home. I took a glance at the meter fare and realise something small with numbers under the meter fare and it was also increasing! Then it struck me that little thing is actually the bloody midnight fare meter!! Oh my gosh, i wanted to get out of the cab and walk home myself... Really man!! Then i was put to the test... I kept counting the amount of money i have to fork out myself and by the way my maths is NOT good!! So i kept counting and the more i count the more my heart sank... I mean really SANK!!!!!! Once i got to my stop... I slowly watch the uncle finger touch the enter button and BOOM!! The amount was a SHOCKING $29.80 freaking dollars!!! I wanted to faint on the spot but then i guess the uncle will just drag me out of his cab and leave me laying on the side of the road. So what the hell i just paid and walk away pissed with myself... Freaking midnight fare!! 50% my ass! I am soooo HEART BROKEN!!!

Holidays... It is finally here!

2009-06-14T13:28:00.000+08:00

Oh yeah! Holidays are finally here.... I am able to rest my mind for awhile.. Even though my break will only be fore about 2 weeks but i am still glad that i at least have the time to rest... These pass 2 months were SO hectic that i couldn't even catch up with my secondary school friends...

Actually the first block was ok.. We were having 2D Fundamental and Design History and Culture. 2D was from 9 to 12 and Design H&C was from 3 to 6... Even though the timing was long but i was still able to cope with it. I was able to stay up late in the night and complete my painting and do my report. But once the second block came, i realize that i couldn't stay up late anymore, once 12am I will feel sleepy. i couldn't take it anymore. This was bad because the second block was even worse.

The second block was Introduction to Visual Merchandising The first week was tutorials, however once the second week start it was project after projects to be finish in a short period of time. Even though it is a group work, we have 4 days time to come up with a ppt presentation and a store layout design. The third week we had to come up with a ppt presentation and a visual display for the related store that we are doing for the first project.
we had a lot of trouble with the platform and the pricing for our materials needed. we spent a lot of money. i still can't believe that we were willing to spend so much money on one project.

we did so much things for this module , many sleepless nights and long working hours we have spend with our own group mates. there many arguments with the choices that many of us made but at the end of the day, we still managed to complete our project and do everything that was needed to be done.

And then the holiday is here!!!! Thank god, the holidays are here, i believe everybody in my class deserved this long break and we will definitely put it into good use, by sleeping everyday.
Ok so that is for now!!

BELLY and MEEEE!!!

2009-05-21T00:46:00.000+08:00

Sorry guys this came in abit late...
Was can whoring with belinda in the art studio while doing our 1m by 1m painting....

I am seriously missing it.. I miss TIA!!! AND JAI!!! SOB..

I am Very UPSET right now!!

2009-05-18T21:12:00.000+08:00

Oh my Goodness! I have lost my wallet.. After hours of frantic searching, i can officially say that i have lost my stupid wallet. I am So angry with myself. I think i have lost it on the bus or something. Someone just kill me!!! OH man, i can't continue to blog about. The person who took my wallet better have the integrity to return it to me and not go lent money from the loan shark!! LAO NIANG no money to return if they come banging at my door hor!

Sob!! Sob!! I got scolded by Cher!!!

2009-05-12T20:18:00.000+08:00

Aiyo... so crappy lah.. i was waiting for my Cup noodles to be ready.... But suddenly my Teacher Tia storms into the room and yelled her head off at us.. I was ready to STiCK my Chopstick into the noodles liao... Then she gave me the shock of my life lor!!! She said" NO EATING IN THE ART STUDIO... I SAY THIS SO MANY TIMES ALREADY HOW COME NOBODY IS LISTENING TO ME... EVERY TIME I COME INTO THE ART STUDIO, I WILL SEE PEOPLE EATING INSIDE... MOSES SENT PICTURES TO ME ALREADY.. I DON'T BELIEVE THAT IT IS MY CLASS SOME MORE!!" Oh my goodness lah... Scare the Shit out of me lor... Aiyo... ok ok... i painting finish my adstract part of my painting first the blog again...

Painting in School... Sian...

2009-05-08T16:21:00.000+08:00

Today is very crappy day, and not to mention a slackly day too... We are suppose to do our end of module project. So for this 2D Art Fundamental module, we have to paint a 1M by 1M plywood board for it. However, not many people are motivate by it... We are not moving people!!! I am drawings to build up my sketchbook. Later i think i will be considering doing colour scheme for my final art piece. But i am soo soo not in the mood sia... I will be thinking of going home to paint my Art Piece... I seriously dun feel comfortable painting in front of everybody... I had trouble painting during my secondary school days... Which now i feel that i have to pick up the brush again... This is disturbing sia... So long already.. I have totally no liking for the paint and brushes... My control of that medium is beyond impossible... So i have totally no confidence about this painting sia... Cause i always have a lot of good ideas and images will start to flood my mind, however when i implicate me holding on to a paintbrush, i think that the idea will be ruined BY MY OWN HANDS SIA.... (T.T) So i shall hide in the comfort of my home and paint....

I scare..... Who is there to hold me?

2009-04-09T19:29:00.000+08:00

Many things happened for the past few days... Someone found out something about me that I wish no one will never have to know... At least not at this age and this place and time... I felt coldness and distant from the people who i though accepted me as me... But yet they see me in another light now... Why do things have to go this way? Why can't i a small space for myself?

When you hold me in your arms saying " We cannot let this small issue be the end of us... We cannot break up just because of something minor that can be solved n a few days.." I was wondering in my heart " Can they really accept me again? After all they have their own thinking... Will i be able to see you again? I dun want to give up.... Maybe i am thinking too much but i feel that i have a need to protect myself and the people that i love... I love you. But when every time when i want to protect you.. You will always the first to be there to hold my hand and hold me close... You are so strong... Stronger than me in some ways, that is...

No matter how angry i am with your attitude or the way you behave.... You never fail to always remind me why i love you in the first place.... Sometimes you are very unreliable, very uncertain, very judgemental of people and very distant from people who you feel have no part to play in your life. But when i am trouble you will always be there... To say the exact words i need... Those three beautiful words... " I LOVE YOU" Even though you said it a dozen times but this time you were serious and staring straight into my eyes... For the whole night you never let go of me...

So i say this to you... I love you too baby... I will not let you go too... We can overcome this... MUCKS....

Normal days.... Love sick.....

2009-04-02T00:22:00.000+08:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to go and fetch dada.... But his flight is so so so so de very late leh... I dunno whether i am able to go anot... But I want to be the first person he sees went he gets back from Japan.... The flight is 12.25am leh... How am I going to be there? Hais... Even his mother ask me not to go and fetch him... Cause so late liao, I should be at home sleeping... Er jie also say " He is a guy leh?! You are a girl leh?! So late you want to go out and fetch him? Then after you fetch him, then what are you going to do?" Even though I hate to admit, but she is right. I duno what I will do when I meet up with him? I can't possibly go to his house and stay overnight at his house ba? Or go home in the middle of the night... It would be damn expensive lor.. Even worse if his father offer to sent me home, WA LAO I would be damn pai say lor. NOOOO!!!!

ARGHHHHHH!!! What should I do? But i really want to fetch him leh... I promise him liao... I didn't go and sent him so I should fetch him ba. So late... What should I do? Anyone there to give me advise!!

I asked my cousin... He said go...

My NEXT Dog will be called Marley.......

2009-03-23T01:09:00.000+08:00

I just came back from Malaysia, sat in the bus till my ass cracked.... Not saying that I dun have an ass crack.. But it got more cracked up the longer I had to endure this long ride into Malaysia... Anyway I brought a book with me during the trip... And YES, It is a BOOK... People who knows me, knows that wherever I go the damn book follows... And so i brought this book called " Marley & Me", sounds familiar?

When I started reading the book, I felt that this writer is so Patient and Loving towards his dog... I wonder to myself," How many of ourselves who has a dog and truly understands it?" Not even me... When my dog peed on the floor of my house, i would be the crazy bitch around the house scolding him and isolating him... But as for Marley, he doesn't get beaten or yelled at... Instead his owner follows him around trying to hide the mess Marley created from his wife, wiping his saliva off the walls, picking everything Marley knock over and etc. Who is that devoted to his dog and actually do that? This book depicts how this little NutCracker, high energy level, top notch drooler and garbage chewer enter John Grogan's life and changed it completely. How John actually learn something about Marley every single day of his life until the day Marley closed his eyes.
Marley & Me taught me to seize everything life have to offer. Never let a tiny opportunity slip away. Never forget to enjoy life. And to just be yourself, always be happy because when life gives you lemons, you make lemonades! Be true to yourself and never regret any decision in your life. Never be Discourage because when the going gets tough, the tough goes Shopping! Haahaa...
Recently my aunt told me that all Dogs goes to heaven... And I really felt that maybe Marley is really there.. Running on the greenest meadow you have ever seen, No lose hip, No broken teeth or Not able to hear the Birds chirping...
DOGs go to heaven to stay beside GOD.....

2009-02-28T20:29:00.000+08:00

Getting ready to get a very very extremely short haircut!! Taking a picture to remember my long B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L hair!!!...... Sob Sob... i will miss you long hair...

Wanted to have a new look... And since my father kept telling me to cut my hair... I decided that it should be OK to start off my poly year with a new and fresh haircut... SO off to the salon i went with chao jun of course... Love her for being so sweet to follow me to the hair salon...
Carefully choosing the hairstyle i want and consulting Chao Jun from time to time... But she cannot give me any serious answer cause she is fooling around whenever she is with me.... Hais...

Still choosing and waiting at the same time... Waiting for my hair to be wash!!....OHHH... Nice smell...

In the middle of washing my hair.............................................................................................................

WOW.... HAO MAN arh.... hahaha... That was what Chao Jun said when she took this picture...

WAITING!!!! PATIENCE...... NERVOUS..... SCARE!!!! All kinds of thoughts flood my mind... Didn't know that choosing a hair style ca be so stressful and depressing... Plus when you have a crazy women beside you... You feel like running straight into the mirror.... Smashing your head in the process... While she dances over your dead body...

WAITING........................

"I AM BORED "

OH.....

OH...... Here goes.... the razor cutting into my nice long hair... SOB...
EEEEEE-YYYARRRR_DDDAAAAA!!!!!!
(NO in Japanese)

But... I still when with it... What can you do when you are already in the seat and have requested that a senior hairstylist be your hair dresser.... Oh my $29..... SO near but YET so far...

And WA LAH...... It is over as fast as it started... My FIVE years of long hair... is.... is.... is...
GGGGGOOOOONNNNNEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damn it he is still fine tuning it... Would it matter??? It is already DETACTED from my head... OH the word... "DETACTED"....SOB...

This is the corpse.... oh i can't bear to look at it...

And on to make my short, miserable hair look a little less depressing.....

PROCESSING......

AND PROCESSING......

DONE!!!!!!!.... WAIT?!....

I still need to Wash it for the second time... HAIS... what a bother....

BLOWING!!!! Hot air is damn hot i think my glasses melted abit...

HOT!!!!!!!

OK... taking a break...

Admiring myself.. hahaha... not so bad after all...

CHESSE!!!!!!!

The final touch!!!!!

This is the final picture!!!! thank you chao jun for helping me to upload the pic... And for being my camera "women" for the day.. Busy snapping pics in the salon...
Wa i really love you!!! Chao-San... ( Oh shit i think i am really addicted to Japanese anime liao...)
Well... Da jie will have to do the brainwashing.... And i tell you and she is liking it!!!

Argh...... I want dresses and many many nice apparel wear.... But i am BROKE...

2009-02-23T23:40:00.000+08:00

Currently i am working at a bakery called MAMA Bakery at Square 2 (Novena)... Own by a japanese lady, Kaneko san.... She is a 70 year old mama san... But she have the strength of an ox! She is really very lively and she is like a machine... Specially made from japan.. Muwahahaha... Oh yar, this shop is da da's father shop.... So i was able to get a job there even though there is already enough people working there liao... Hahaha.. See my Dada soo good... Even though the pay is not that good but the hours are very flexible... I am able to start work at 9, 10 or 11 am in the morning... Hahaha...

I am able to use the coffee machine already.. I know how to make mochachino or cappuchino and latte... And i think i am pretty good at it... hee.. Cause so far nobody complain.. hahah... (>.<) But i share a love-hate relationship with the mama san.... She have serious MOOD SWINGS.. Sometimes she is ok then suddenl she will scold you then after the scolding she will smile at you and say "ok?"... Wow man... when i hear that i will get so sian.. Hais...

Then recently i am SO broke... even though i am working but my pay would be in cheque, not cash. So i am not able to collect it and use on my daily expenses like bus fare and food... Hais... now i have to take from my mummy... Dun like that lor.. Cause i have money one.. Some more i would be getting my pay for being a tuition teacher.... And it would be given to me on the next lesson. But also in cheque.. Hais..

I want to buy dresses and Shorts or 3/4 pants.... Since dada's mother say why i wear the shorts so shorts when i go to church... So she decided to buy some clothes for me.... Even my dada say that he should go shopping with me for clothes liao... Sponsor by him... Yay!! but i still dun feel happy or use to if his mother actually spent money on me. Because i am still considered an outsider ma... Very pai say leh... Aiyo!! How? if the next time i go out with his family on Sunday ( which happens to be a family day) i have to shop with his whole family following me leh!! I dun want!!!!!!!! So scary.... Even though i have gotten quite close with his 3 brothers and parents... Benji's mother also said she want to be my Godmother... Heeee... Very happy leh!!

Anyway dada and me celebrated Vday just recently because Vday was actually his mother's Bday so we went out to celebrate... Then Vday was put on halt. So now i can finally say what he bought for me for Vday liao...

He bought for me a SWEATER from EDC (ESPRIT)..... Total cost is a shocking $ 90.00 dollars... Actually i wanted that for a long time liao... Then he happen to say "we should celebrate Vday since we never celebrate on that day." so i though of the sweater but i didn't know that he would actually buy for me on the spot man... HAHAHA!!!!! LUCKY!

OK. I should go and sleep soon tml still have work. Bye...

oh.. Grandma... I love you sooooo...

2009-02-06T00:36:00.000+08:00

Today was a tiring day. Went out to give tuition to my cousin... He is not very good in his accounts, but i believe with some nagging and truckloads of saliva. I would be able to help him. I hope that he would get a B3 for his accounts... Hahaha..

Anyway tml i would be able to see my dada... Very madly happy... Haven been seeing him for 4 to 5 days already... Miss him very badly... But i seriously doubt that he got receive my message....

When i come home from tuition... I have been trying to control my hunger in me man... Oh man... You have no idea how hungry i was and i swear that i could eat a bull let alone a cow... Along the damn way home, there were all sorts of temptation just waiting for me to raise the white flag... But i was sure as hell that i wouldn't... Because i didn't want to spend my ANG POW MONEY!!! I saved about $*** and i wasn't ready to spend it on anything yet... So i have decided to save it!!! TADA!!!!

I am still going to get my salary and then use it to buy a Valentine gift.. But i really think that dada have forgotten about it already.. He is not a man that will remember it. Only birthdays, i guess...
Furthermore, i have just realise that my bus fare have up it's price... Actually saying that i am officially OLD!!!! I can no longer top up $5 as a minimum amount liao ... It has become $10!!!! ARGH!!!!!

Until now i still have no idea when i will be able to start school... Tml will do some poking around trying to get somebody who knows to tell me... HAHAHA... Aren't i a stinker.... Well, just got to play my cards right....

Will be in going in Apparel Design and Merchandising..... I think that the first year i would be sewing things ( Bits and pieces of fabric and buttons together.) God save me... Second year then i will major... Into Retail and Merchandising ....

Future job would be a Fashion Journalist, Assistant Buyer, Fashion Stylist ( more of like an image consultant) But hopefully after my three years in TP, I would be able to be a buyer in a high end fashion outlet at PARAGON!!!! Or maybe work in a Fashion Magazine as a Fashion Journalist or Fashion Stylist.... Also hope to be able to go to uni... To studying international relations and something to do with mingle with humans in my company..... HAHAHA... What can i say I'm a talker...

Church... Closure...

2009-02-03T01:24:00.000+08:00

There are things that i have in my life which i am not very proud of. This Sunday i will be going to church with my Boyfriends family. I am nervous and excited... I wanted to find closure for so long about something that has been bugging me but i dunno where is the place where i can find myself. But i think that God have send Benji to me as a blessing and he will be the one who will lead me to church and finally into God's arms.... I am just scare that God will not accept me anymore.. Have he given me too many chances already that now i will be judged without a trial? I am only 17 but yet i am already a convict? In this world the sins that i have many sound like child's play to another man sins. But i know that it all depends on you. Not comparing with others. I didn't go to church when i was young and even now. I always feel that going to church is more scary then being alone on the first day of school. Because you are there but no one talks to you. People say that as a Christian they are always welcoming and ready to accept others. But i dun see that. I was too scare to even make a sound to make friends. Even when i know somebody in that church, that somebody is not going to be there for me when i need them. They are there but yet not really there. Thus when i go to the church i feel even more alone because even though you are there no one seems to notice me. I believe that a church is a place where you can be at peace with yourself. And there you will find your true self and be able to connect with God.

My ideal place of a church would be the ones that you see in Paris... All those beautiful paintings in the wall and the atmosphere of even being in a church. I dun need a priest to talk about God to me... I alone have seem his powers and how it have saved me. i just need some time alone with him. But i can never seem to find it. I just want to knee in front of him and tell him everything. Even though God can know the deepest darkest secrets in our hearts but i really want to tell him myself. I want to cry out to him and let my burden be eased. But when i am doing that i want someone close to me to be there to hold me and catch me when i fall. For many years i have been wishing for a boyfriend, many years. And finally one day in the year 2007 i have found that person.... I thank him so much for this gift. And guess what to my surprise he is a christian too... Even though he have many flaws ( well, hey! Who doesn't?), he doesn't say nice things or know how to be a gentlemanly to you and worse of all i have made him cry a few times... ( sorry... My bad..) But the best thing of all is that he LOVES me.... I know love is not everything. But he is trying i can see ( to have a better future and to prove his worth to many people and himself.) and i am also giving him the support he needs. i want him to be by my side when i need him. To be my listening ear whenever i have something to say. Or to just even let me cuddle beside him, not a word needed. I believe when a couple is in a relationship for a long period of time there have nothing to say to each other. Not in a bad way, but they are just able to be right beside each other and no say a thing not because they have no feelings for each other but there are no words needed between them.

After soooo much crap... I still can't believe i am going to a church for the first time in 5 years. I really hope that i can still feel the same with him as i did many years ago. But this time would be different because i would not be alone... I have someone to hold my hands with me. ( I am say holding hands as in a term because physically he doesn't like to hold hands, [ it is one of his flaws, sadly] )

I had enough of it already....

2009-01-11T18:13:00.000+08:00

I always wanted to be the one who help my family through anything, any hurdles and difficulty. But i dun think i am able to be that person anymore.... Last time i am was looking forward going home to my father's house... But now i am not anymore...
I dun want to be involved in anything between my mother and father. Yes, i love them both dearly. Even though both party say bad things about each other. I believe that No One will and should take away the perfect image of them i hold dear in my heart. However sometimes it is just so hard to not hear the harsh words that they say. I wonder to myself how is that 2 people who loved so dearly 17 years ago, are now able to say things that even i as a child couldn't understand. These 2 people made a vow " till death do us apart" and have chosen each other from millions of people from all over the world to love,cherish and to spend the rest of their reminding years on this planet together and forever... But now i know what the true meaning of these vows really mean... "Till death do us part" really means until our love dies and the hatred grow....
As a kid i wouldn't say that i grew up in a loving family but i would say that i grew up in a strong family. Even though love was a part of this family but it wasn't the foundation of this family, only money was a foundation of this family. There is a saying that says 'love conquers all' but in my 17 years of life this sentence only apply to those who are really lucky. Sadly my family isn't one of them. I dun want to be the middle man anymore.... I can't crumble because my pride and my love for this family doesn't allow it. But sometimes i feel that i am slowly suffocating because i have NO ONE to talk to.. Nobody will understand my position in this family... People will think that the kind of pressure i am experiencing is nothing compare to the real world... But i am in the real world because in the real world people talk about money and well... guess what my family does too.... God! i can't remember how many times i cried myself to sleep... and how many times i felt lost and completely alone and left out.... Every time my father talks bad about my mother and grumble about how much money is needed to go through this divorce.... And that he is the one paying for everything and for my expenses. If my mother cannot pay for my expenses then she shouldn't take me in the first place. Why!!! Is everybody talking about money and about who is paying to support me? Yes, i know that they are my parents they are suppose to support until i am ready to go out on my own... But why do i feel like i am some kind of pet that everybody is fighting for? If that person is able to pay for everything then that pet is suppose to follow the one is able to provide everything. I am not an object and i will never be. I dun like to go to father's home because it is a constant reminder of what i am. Who is paying for the house? Who is paying for my education or my living expenses..... I know that my father is going through a lot and No i dun understand it and i will never will... I am not that small as to listen to everything everybody says... I listen to myself and what i really want. I have learn to do that many years ago.... Cause if i dun? I will go mad, trust me i really will... I just want to grow up and live my own life. Without anybody fussing over who is paying for me? Sometimes i feel that i dun need anybody if needing someone is giving me so much pain and trouble. I rather live by myself at least i know that i will not lose something if i chose something else cause i have nothing to start with.

God please just make everything go away and leave the happiness and joy in my life and my parents.... Their love is dead this i admit but please let the hatred stop as well...

The Hit and Run cause everything....

2008-12-22T22:31:00.000+08:00

Actually everything was all fine... Nothing was suppose to happen.. However when my sister came home not only didn't she brought home our dessert instead she brought home bad news... My father's car was hit by a hit and run driver... And the worse thing is tat sis didn't get the licence plate of the driver and not even the model.... Hais... My father as pissed man... He shouted and yelled about the issue and was so frustrated that she didn't get the licence plate number of that stupid driver... I didn't expect my father to kick up such a fuss but really this is way way way too much .... My sister looked so pale and she kept apologizing... I really wanted to say something to my father i am afraid that he would bring up the issue about my mother and the divorce thing... And my my my wasn't i rite! He did... He begin to curse and yelled about that issue that is already long gone and settled... I still dun understand that why doesn't he want to try to let go for this problem... Well i guess that i have to live with it.. cause i seriously dun want to get on his nerve or there would be a show for all my neighbours to see..

Tution!! Can i handle it?

2008-11-26T00:00:00.000+08:00

I finally managed to get a job from my mother's ex colleague.. I would be giving tuition to her 2 children.. A girl and a boy... I seriously wonder what would it be like teaching other people? How should i start teaching them? I think i better ask for advice.. Hahaha... BUT i dunno who to ask... Miss Wong? or My tuition teacher,Dave? Let's see... Hmmm if i ask Miss Wong I am sure she will laugh at me man.. And begin to remind of my tenses!! Argh... Hais.... And if i ask my tuition teacher i think he will just give me a very super duper neutral answer.. Like for example... " I dunno.. It depends on your student..." Which is true even though it sounded very useless. But it is true... Maybe i should teach the kid first then come back home and gage from there.. And if i am lost or not very sure as to what i am suppose to do i could just call and ask.. There i solved my own problem on the Internet.. talking to myself.. Hais.. I am going mad these days..

I am not able to use the computer these days... Cause it belongs to my uncle and he has a very different working schedule.. Thus the computer is usually used by him.. Furthermore i am also not able to access the TV at home.. Cause apparently my grandfather likes to watch the news of many countries.. Hais.. What can i do? Therefore i only able to stay at home and watch rented VCDs... And read my novel..

BUT i am feeling very happy today cause my mother helped me to find a job.. As i have said in the above paragraph.. YEAH!!!!!! I am so excited to take up that job man.. Wish me luck!! I am gonna need it!!

Open house...

2008-11-22T15:51:00.000+08:00

I am now at my school's open house.. I came here with CHAO JUN, one of my good friend.. But apparently she decided to go MIA on me.. I was about to step into my school's D&T room, when miss tan here told me that she have to go to to toilet THEN BAM!!!! She disappear.. i called her and all i got was one pathetic SMS saying that she is would be going home.. Erm to be exact she send this.." erm... I will be going home first hor.. Bye... " Like that leh! Oh man this women is getting on my nerve every one last of them... How could she just say go then go arh? Really not being a friend man.. hahaha... hais... So now i am here with May, and Vanessa...

Well man.. I am now really missing my dada... Hope to see him soon.. He has been working the whole day yesterday and now still carry on working..
He actually have 2 off days one..But because of something meeting his only 2 off days have been cancelled!!!! ARGH!!! I cannot spend time with him... Anyway maybe tml i will be going to see him? Who knows? See whether he is free anot.. hais...

LOVESICK BABY!!!

Staying Alone... Empty Shell..

2008-11-21T17:39:00.000+08:00

I am now officially staying at my grandmother's house.. Now it sudden dawn on me that actually i am all alone.. Even though i have something on my heart i would tell me mother.. but now i realise that i would tell everything.. I will still keep certain things in my heart hoping that i would be gone after some time.. If i dun think about... But it seems that it is not possible.. Many people have a problem dealing with their problems but looks like mine is here to stay.. I just can't seem to get it off me after all.. I am stuck with it for the rest of my life.. I have no one to blame but only me for accepting something i shouldn't have a long time ago..

I wasn't a child once i took it. I should have said something.. Anything will do... but i didn't, i just couldn't do it.. Why should it happen to me? Something i would really like to know... Even though many people tell me not to care about it but in the end it all still evolve around me.. No matter what i do.. I am caught up with this horrible past of me and it would be something i can never change... I dun think i have done anything wrong and i would continue to do it. Because i know that i am helping my mother. I am giving her another life.. Away from the pain and suffering.. I am still young and i have a long time ahead of me.. But not my mother.. She deserves a new life.. my mother tried to stay in a situation that was not going anywhere.. All she was doing was to get me going on.. So now when i am able to understand the important of this situation.. I knew i was ready to face the truth... The ugly truth, that i tried to hide from myself...

But now i am awake and aware of how dispensable of me.. I got to be strong for my mother. I cannot crumble and fall.... Recently i few songs sang by certain artist really touched me with their words...
1. Beyonce : Save the hero
2. Christina : Oh mother
3. Pussycat Dolls : I hate this part
These songs really touched me.... I cried listening to Beyonce - save the hero... Not saying that i am the hero but in this situation i have these feelings that are expressed by this song... Whose's there to save the gal after she saves the world?

Moving Out!!! GOODBYE there's no sadder word to say.....

2008-10-31T20:40:00.000+08:00

Today, i packed my bags ready to move out on Monday. When i was packing my bags, it suddenly dawn on me how i will really miss my family. Even though, there is not always many good times that we have spend with each other but i will sure miss being apart of this family. My mother would be moving out on Saturday and i would be moving out on Monday because of my Social Studies Examination I could not move out.
Thinking about the countless times that my aunt have helped me to cook breakfast and lunch and dinner. How she always remember to know what i like and she will get it for me. Even though it is just a meal but i know that this is the way of her saying that she care. She is always able to help me in some other way. She runs the house with an iron fist.. Hahaha... I am going to miss her asking me to study... I am really going to miss her... But i will make it a custom to come home every Friday to eat dinner with my family. I dun want them to think that i will not come back anymore once i leave this house. I am surely not that kind of person...
I am going to miss my father too.. He is not going to be able to send me to school liao.. hahaha... hais.. I am just going to go out of this house with a smile and a humble attitude.. Hahaha...

Midnight study...

2008-10-26T03:50:00.001+08:00

Now it is 3.45 am in the morning.. I am now officially worn out and damn tired.. But i am very happy at least i manged to study finish 3 chapters of history and have managed to memorise all of them.. Hahaha... i have 2 more chapters to go.. Jia you!! Wa.. I hate the topics on Russia and China... God help me man!!
Some more during the period of my exams days.. My stupid handphone is spoiled.. Not spoiled as in cannot use but spoiled as in the top slide of it cannot slide down.. my slide phone is officially a open phone.. Hais.. My mother went to bring the phone for service but the person never do a good job. He said that the phone is fixed but when the phone is brought home.... the damn phone cannot close again!!! ARGH!!! I an going down tml to check on my phone again.. If still cannot be fixed then it is time!!! TO CHANGE A NEW PHONE!!! YEAH man.. even though it would be a lot of work changing a new phone.. But i am finally able to get a PDA for myself.. But i think for this time i should actually pay half of it. to be fair lah.. Right? Oh man i want a DUPOD!! for myself.. When i start poly this phone would be my timetable, my alarm clock, my list of things to do, my mini laptop!! Yup.. I am really hoping for one.. Even though i know that i have to wait for maybe one more year.. Then i am able to buy a new phone!!! Hahaha.... Hope that i am able to bring this phone for the UWC selection. And maybe overseas too!!
I hope that i am able to be selected for this scholarship!! I want to travel overseas and to be able to study in a new environment. Italy!! I want to go there.. I hope this phone that i am looking forward to change would come in handy when i am at overseas.. WINK!!!WINK!!! Oh god.. i am really sorry for the things i have done... i hope that i could be forgiven.. I will do my best in resisting temptation.... Muwahahahah.... Please dun let it affect my future man!! hahahah... UWC: i really hope that they have received my application form... Oh man... I am very worried that my latter came one day late leh!! how? If that's the case them how sway can i get man!!
I hope to go to Italy because it is a very beautiful place and full of culture and designs.. I want to just immerse myself in this wonderful enviroment.. I want to pursue designing too if i have the chance... But i also cannot leave psychology alone.. So i will probably just see first lor. I told my mother if i am able to go to UWC then maybe i will pursue Psychology. Because Psychology is difficult to pursue in Singapore.. So if i am able to go overseas then i will have to do it man.. It is my one and only chance.. Hahaha.... But i dun want to chose the wrong path too.. So i have to choose wisely.. Tough decision to make.. All the best man!! JIA YOU!!!!!

Midnight study...

2008-10-26T03:50:00.000+08:00

2008-10-19T17:14:00.000+08:00

Somemore PHOTOS!!! Of graduation day : TEACHERS and PEEPS!!

Thanks for Everything Sis!!!

2008-10-19T16:47:00.000+08:00

The recent post was about me unable to go out to meet Da jie and Er jie.. I whine about that stupid incident.. But i really didn't expect them to be so innovative about this celebration.. At around 10.00 pm...Er jie called me and asked me whether i was asleep yet? I wondered to myself since when she was so concern about wat time i sleep? I suspect something was wrong. Something confirm my thoughts when she asked me to come out? At first i though her meaning of coming out was to go out, i was like " How on earth do you want to me to come out when i told you in the morning that i can't. What makes you think that i can at night?" But then she told me to proceed outside my house. I was so shock!! i though she came all the way to my house to sleepover (I mean sleepover is fine but sleeping over for a totally different reason is not exactly fine.) So i went out to take a look.. And i saw Da jie and her standing outside my house.. So i talk to myself... since they are here that means they have brought the party to me? Since i can't go out they brought it here. And i was right!! I saw Da jie holding to a small cake and Er jie trying to hide it from me? That part i dun understand.. Seriously they wanted to show me the cake but they put a PizzaHut brochure on the outside to cover it.. Hais... What does study do to our heads..

So i let them in.. And we blow out the cake and talk a little.. They bought me a bag from Ink , that bag i have wanted. Plus they also bought for me a Princess Crown hair clip.... hahaha... so cute..
Anyway i want to thank my 2 BEAUTIFUL SISTERS for helping me celebrate my birthday even though it is on 22 Oct but it is the though that counts!! I am so bringing the bag tml!! see you guys!! and Jia You for Chemistry !!!!

SORRY!!! I couldn't get out there... SO sorry...

2008-10-18T16:00:00.000+08:00

Today i woke up and received a message from da jie saying that i am suppose to meet them(da jie and er jie) in cityhall at 6.00pm. I woke up seeing that, i felt happy at least they wanted to celebrate my birthday in advance. I was really happy. However, when i told my aunt, she wasn't too happy about it. She said that i have just recover from a fever and i shouldn't go out and expose myself to other virus out there. I am pharsing this in the nicest way possible. Cause she ain't that nice when she said that. Anyway, i was tired of fighting with her. Trying to get my way and win.. So i just said that i am not going. I was really very angry and trying to hide my feelings by just shutting myself out. I can't just talk back to her. It would be very rude and ill mannered of myself. So i shut up.

Then later upon hearing the news that i wasn't going anymore, da jie begin to sms me many messages telling me that she told her mother not to cook dinner for her already and now i said i cannot go. Futhermore, er jie begin to sms me also telling me that she discuss this issue with me last monday and persude me to go out for this outing. " It's only dinner.." she will say. Er jie asked me not to back out halfway. But i couldn't get out, now that i have told my family members that i am not going out anymore. i couldn't just come and go as i want. So sadly, i have to stand my ground and say a firm NO. Hais... I really wanted to spent time with them, you know!!

But i realise that at this crucial stage of my life, i shouldn't be letting anyone tell me that i cannot go out. Instead i should have knows this myself. Afterall, it is me who is taking the Os not my aunt. I should have said no long before this happen. I should have said No on monday liao.. Hahaha... Anyway now i blogging about this so i can get this out of my mind and concentrate on my chemistry.

Jia you!! We all can do it! Yeah.... (>.<)

2008-10-13T01:54:00.000+08:00

Recently I have been doubting myself. On whether i am able to do a good job. But some how I feel very helpless.. I really dunno Wat to do besides studding. But every time i rest or study i always feel that it is not enough. And when i think about it, them i lose the will to continue studding. I feel that even though i have great ambitions but i dun think i am able to use them into my fullest potential. Oh god ,please give me strength. I know i have done wrong things in my life. However i need your strength and your courage to pull through this. Hais.. actually it is not a big deal.. It is i who i making a big fuss about it. However i just can't help but feeling worried and uncertain about how i am able to face my exams and then results. I dun want to be the one in my family w2ho is not able to do well or even excel in her own duty. Why do i treat it as a duty? Because we all have to go through this stage in life, where your parents tells you to study hard and get a good future. But i feel that even though your get a good result but it all boils down to your attitude and how your present yourself to the world. the world is not as bad as it seems. However to certain people who dun treat it as something important in their life will feel that life's being unfair towards them.
God i am really very confused about Wat i really want. I know i said that i want to go into psychology but do i really have Wat it takes? Why do i keep doubting myself. i hate this feeling and this attitude. But i seem to just can't get rid of it. I believe in myself as my mother tell me. That i can do it. Oh God.. i am so sorry for being a weakling. I am not talking about my studies. God you know Wat it is. I have decided to follow Benji to church even Sunday after my exams. I can't promise but this is something i try to do ok? I want to get a good grade. i know i can do it... Thanks god.. I know that you will be with everybody in the exam hall.. Bless us and hope that my whole class is able to score well.. Be the best 5N1 normal academic class. in Zhonghua Secondary' History.

To Pei Shan: if you are reading this... All i want to say is that all the best for your exams and may you have a bright future ahead of you. People make mistakes and people will gradually learn to change from it. I believe that you can do it. Take this as a learning step ba. In the real world people ain't gonna be so kind. Dun get angry often. Dun always want things to go your own way, accept new offers and advice from other people. Take of your health and try not to get sick so often. try to get an MC every time you are sick. (expensive rite seeing doctor? so dun get sick so often..) Lastly.. It was nice to have known you for the past 5 years even though some of them wasn't in a nice experience. all the best for you, gal.. I won't say sorry, you know that.. We dun think we are wrong but if you dun think you are wrong also then there's nothing to hide.

P.S Thanks for the present.. i have nothing to give you but only this message and advice.. Doing my last duty as a friend.

PSYCHOLOGY....... where are you... 9 points!!!!

2008-09-11T21:53:00.000+08:00

Recently i am very interested in Psychology... I want to be a psychiatrist..
Because of my family background and wat i when through, i feel that i can understand these people well and i know where to start, i know how to reach out a hand to these people. I want to be the one to tell that person that even though many things have happened in your life but that doesn't mean that you dun have a life to yourself anymore. I want to tell them that they still deserved to take everything that life as to offer. That their past does not determine their future. Someone reached out to me and helped me through the worst period of my life. And that changed me alot. I want to do that to other people who are much worst than me.

I know that by seeing and knowing their problems, it may affect me and how i view life. Maybe it will scare me to know the dark side of a human being and the extend it will go to get wat it want. But i believe i will not forget the reason why i want this job in the first place. I will always remember why i want this. Because i want to make a difference in someone else's life. i want to be able to touch them and tell them that they are not alone even though the whole world dun see them but i do. And that they are no different from any of us. Just that they started with a wrong step than the others.

I know that there are cases where a gal is being raped by their family members or strangers, and these girls cannot stand the pain and the though of it that they decided to end their life. I am aware that every life that is being introduced to the world have its own way to live. But not this, never this. Ending your own life is a pain no one should never have to go through. I want to change that, even though i cannot save everybody but i believe i can make a difference.

People who come to me in the future will be the ones who experience pain that is so unbearable and hard to handle. But after seeing me, going through many hurdles with me and hope that they will be stronger than before.

Cause i know that pain is a terrible things to experience but pain is what that makes us grow and mature. Through pain comes strength to fight for yourself and wat you believe in.
I lost most of my childhood going through some things a kid should never have to take or handle. But me being naive and who i was, accepted it and made it a part of my life. Now i know that there are some things a kid should never have to take from their parents, no matter how you love them but if they are hurting you not physically but emotionally, you should voice wat you really want. Because if you really take in all in and live in it, you are no longer a kid any more.

Because you think differently from your peers, you see things in a different light. No, that does not make you cleverer than your friends but it rob you of your expressions. You think too much and see too much but no one to tell or confine to. That was my childhood. And i am very open towards it, to telling someone about it. Because i feel no shame about it. Everybody grow up in a different environment, mine just happened to be an unpleasant one. Because of my mother who reached out to me and helped me. I am no longer afraid to seek help when i am in trouble.
THAT IS WAT I WANT TO GIVE TO OTHER PEOPLE WHO HAVE THE SAME OR SIMILAR PROBLEMS AS ME. I WANT TO GIVE THEM COURAGE AND STRENGTH TO LIVE THEIR LIVES AND BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES. I WANT TO SHOW THEM THAT WHERE THEY COME FROM OR WAT HAPPENED IN THE PASS IS SOMETHING THEY SHOULD NEVER BE ASHAMED OF. BECAUSE IT IS NEVER HOW YOU START, IT IS HOW YOU END. AND AT THE END OF THE DAY THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS. AHEM..... HEE...

BENJAMIN TAN.... WO AI NI!!!

2008-09-03T18:12:00.000+08:00

I went out with da da on monday... really have to see him... Little did i know that my da da change a lot during the past erm... 2 months plus? Oh my.. so cute lor... Here's the pictures he keep asking me to take... He realise that that day his hair was styled in a very "handsome"way.. Some more my handphone didn't really have much pictures of him.. So he decided to take things into his own hands... So here goes...
No need to have any comments lah.... Aiyo... Anyway TMl i have to go to singapore poly for a course.. hais... Dun want to go cause i wanna study... but i realise that i can step out of my house for a while.. Well that dun seem so bad afterall. I dun want to stay im my house and My anut will keep reminding me to PRACTISE MY FREAKING MATHS... I mean i know how to plan my time.. It is also not as if i am not doing anything... I know that she is concerm for me. But she even decides the time that i wake up leh... Purposely come into my room and tidy my bed when i am still asleep. She could just tell me to wake up and go some other place to sleep. The first thing she says to me is " Hey you dun want to wake and study arh?" i mean come on lah.. Can't i sleep???
I am so gald i am not doing to stay in this house after 1st of november. I know this whole thing and my attitude sounds kinda rude. but i did not say it in front of her and i did not shw any attitude towards her because i am used to it already. So i just jave to bear wit it for a few more months. hahahaha.... Yay!! i am sad to leave my family.. but on another hand i am happy to be free, at least i dun have so limitations when i go with my mother .

Cashmere Mafia...... Da Jie ..Er Jie....ME!!

2008-09-03T17:29:00.000+08:00

Today i watched Cashmere Mafia... WOW..... It is like the new Sex In The City.. Talking about 4 career women, who are very strong in their career but one of them have an identity problem about whether she is a lesbian or straight. While another one still trying to deal with the whole Me Being Stronger In Politics Than My Bf thingy.... Etc.... You all have to watch it. It is super duper nice...

How i wish i could be like those gals.. 3 of us.. all grown up and able to be living the high life... not DO drugs and casual SEX. But to be able to call the shots of our own life. Live away from our parents and have a life that really belongs to you and only you. We could live together and have all sorts of funny weekends.

Mondays would be Chase the BLUES away day... We will stay at home and eat chocolates and drink white wine.. Hmmmm.....

Tuesday would be Hair day BABY!!! We will go to the saloon and have our weekly treatment... hahaha... all gals stuff..

Wednesday would be Facial night... We could sit around read mags... talk about the latest fashion and Er Jie would talk about what she is going to bake on Friday and Da Jie would grumble about her job.. and ME?? I would be you'll 2 listening ears..

Thursday is GIRLS NIGHT OUT!!!! Yeah man!! We will go to one of the famous clubs in the country and gossip and talk about guys with a drink on the other hand.

Friday would be Movies Day... We Will rent shows that we love and watch it until the Next morning.... Busy eating popcorn that Da Jie made and Cheese Cake that Er Jie bake and me.... Well i provide to napkins hahaha....

Saturday if we are all still single.. It would be SHOPPING BABY!!! hahaha... we would buy clothes and shoes and bags... Da jie would aim for ANYTHING PURPLE.... Er jie would be busy checking the price and thinking whether it is worth it and then later come and bug us ( Me and Da jie) on whether she should buy it anot... Then later when we walk out of the store she will Regret her decision.. hahaha...

Sunday would be a free day we could do whatever we want....

Evey time we have an urgent problem and we need each other advise we could meet at our USUAL place and bitch about it... Grumbling to one another about our boss our workplace or how a bad day we have... we would find time for each other and make sure that we are all well connected... That we know wat is going on in each other's life. so if anything happens we would be there... Hey guys... remember our PACT hor...

DA Jie if you dun remember you know wat will happen to you!! hahaha..... Remember hor!!

Oh crap... carbs again!!....

2008-09-01T11:43:00.000+08:00

Today is a DULL day i tell ya.. First, i cannot find my ipod USB cable!! I think my sister took it to her office. Then i cannot find my ipod Box. you know the one that comes with the ipod. Haiz without it i cannot charge my ipod. Hais... Oh man i am so dead! Then ilater i would be going to my da da house. Got to tell him something important. Dun worry it is definitly not BREAKUP!! I will never do such a thing. Just did finish the whole of chapter 6 of history, hahaha... Very happy. But i still have some chapters to go. Then i still got to study my chemistry and maths and physic and accounts. But accounts i am ok. Only scared about maths and science. Even though i love science but i al still not very happy with my expectations of it. I will aim high man.. But then later i will down grade my expectations again. Oh man My tution teacher is going to kill me if i fail my science. He will practicaly strangle me and hang me on the celling fan. Haahaa. No lah, He is not that bad one lah. Just that he is abit straight forward to you, and will not give you any face. Other than that he is just fine. Anyway i am also very pissed about my handphone, it seems that i am forever stuck as a COMPUTER idiot!! Argh!! I just can't seems to transfer songs into my phone!! Oh man... my ipod and handphone!! i shouldn't have delete my songs from my phone!! why did i do that!!Hais.. Now i just have to wait for my sister to come back!! Oh man!! hais.. anyway these few days it would be a tough period for me. Cause of my parents, My mother would be moving out if the house on 1st november. Hais... I really dunno wat my fatehr will say. Everything is settle, but it is still very difficult for me to face my father. Because he wil definitly ask me to stay with him until i reach the age of 21 then i cam follow my mother. But i dun want, if i say that he would tell me that my mother is not good and that i am still "SMALL" so i cannot tell who is good to me and who is not good to me!! Oh man.. come on lah! I am FREAKING 17 years old for goodness sake, i see things more clearer then my father. Just that he is blinded by anger! HAIS.. I give up..

I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toe!! EXAM FEVER!

2008-08-25T23:14:00.000+08:00

oh man the start of my exams is coming!! i am damn scared even though i am prepared. i think i am treating this as my Os. seeing if i can score for this prelims then my Os i am able to feel more confident of myself. but i always feel that i cannot do it an that i am not going to make it!! argh!! i cannot let this fear conquer me!!! i got to shake it away!1 oh man.. this is tough... i dunno how i am able to overcome my fears without my da da!!! he lah , in the morning called me, sounded so sweet then when i say " after 3 weeks can see him liao" he says " no lah baby. We see each other after your Os ok?" OK!!!! MY ARS arh... i then dun want lor.. but in the end i was persuaded by him!! and i HATE THAT!! He said that i have only one shot at this and i got to make ths full use of my time and effort. hais.. I hate to say this but he is right, guys... Sometime listening to your boyfriend or galfriend maybe always be a bad thing..
But i am really scared of this.. i dun want to face this alone. i want my Teddy Bear to be with me.. But yet he is not there!! How come he be missing in action!! HELLO!! hais.. never mind i still have to face many things in life myself. I have done it before so why the hell am i whining!! okok... i got to be strong man!! CHIONG FOR OS MAN!!!!!

Chef's Post BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!!!

2008-08-17T21:22:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHEF!!!!!!
yesterday we ( Rubik, Chef and me) went to wild wild wet.. hahahaa... sad leh. on the way it was raining. we were all hoping that the rain could stop in time for us to play ... sadly it did not lah!! But we still went in anyway cause the rain was going to stop soon. we had a lot of fun lah!! hahaha.. i am so sorry i was like a baby there... i couldn't swim as i didn't swim for about 6 years already but i got my 2 personal bodyguard plus lifeguard. Rubik and Chef!!! even though it was Chef's birthday party she had to take care of me.. sob sob... sorry ER JIE!!

Oh YAr... I want to complain... we went to the kiddy slide.. cause DA jie (Rubik) wanted to so we went. i side first as the 2 of them dun want to go first so i did!! i always knew going first was a stupid idea. however i still went first. and as i was silding i got Stuck!! HEY I SAY FIRST HOR.. THAT WAS A KIDDY SILDE SO NATURALLY I AM TOO BIG... NOT FATT.... MIND YOU!!! so as i was saying i got stuck and then i tried to navigate my way down. SUDDENLY Rubik and Chef shouted to me " HEY! THERE'S A GAL COMING DOWN BEHIND YOU." i GOT THE SHOCK OF MY LIFE.. i WAS LIKE WAT THE HELL!! SINGAPOREAN ARE REALLY IMPATIENT EVEN THEIR KIDS ARE TOO... WAT THE.... SO I STOOD UP AND RAN DOWN THE FREAKING SLIDE... AND AT THE END OF THE SILDE THERE WAS A STEP I LOSE MY BALANCE AND FELL ON ALL FOUR LIMDS, LEGS, HANDS WAT EVER YOU WANNA CALL IT... AND FOR GOD SAKE THE STUPID FLOOR WAS SO ROUGH LAH... LIKE THE ROAD LIKE THAT. MY KNEE WAS LIKE GLIDING ON IT LAH!! DAMN PAIN LEH!!!!! WA WA WA.... THE MOST IRRITATING IS THAT THE GAL BEHIND ME ACTUALLY SAID "WHEEEE....." OH MAN WAS THE FUN, LITTLE GAL?!!!!!!

AFTER THE WWW WE WENT TO MARINA SQUARE TO EAT DINNER. BUT BEFORE THAT WE ASKED CHEF TO WAIT OUTSIDE TOPSHOP FOR AWHILE WHILE ME AND RUBIK WHEN TO GET THE CAKE. THEN WE WENT TO YAKI YUKI TO PLACE OUR RESERVATIONS AND TO PLACE THE CAKE. OH YUP BY THE WAY THE CAKE WAS FROM GELARE. IT IS AN ICE CREAM SPONGE OREO VANILLA CAKE. HAHAHA... FORGET TO TAKE PICTURE OF THE CAKE NOT BAD THOUGH.... WE WENT TO YAKI YUKI I GOT TAKE PICTURES... NOT MANY THOUGH CAUSE VERY SERIOUS AT FINISHING THE FOOD CAUSE CANNOT WASTE FOOD!!!
RUBIKS SCARY SCARY FACE AND SMILE!!! THIS IS THE FRIST TIME SHE SIMLE FOR THE CAMERA AND THIS IS WAT I GET!! =.= SAD SIA.. BUT WE HAD LOTS AND LOTS OF FUN... NEXT TIME WHEN WE GO TO NEW YORK NEW YORK WE WIL TAKE LOTS AND LOTS OF PHOTOS CAUSE NEW YORK NEW YORK WILL BE THE PLACE TO CELEBRATE MY BIRTHDAY!!! HAHAHA... SEE YOU!!!!

Stress.....

2008-08-10T18:33:00.000+08:00

Recently i have made my blog private, i believe many people have notice. That is because of my father.. He seems to have known that i have a bf. it could be my sisters how have told him. Even though I had never breathe a word to any of my family members. I wonder how he got hold of that information?

I have been feeling stress lately, i dunno why but it is as if i have been under going a lot of stress. I feel as though i couldn't breathe anymore.. Having to deal with a father who always trying to make things difficult for you.. I feel as though i cannot take it any longer.. i will breakdown and scream at the top of my voice at him and my aunt and tell them to stop trying get into my head all day long... yes i am his daughter and her niece but that doesn't give them the sole right to GOVERN my life!1 i have my own point if views in life and it is my life after all.. i have a right to say what i want for myself... I love them this is 100% true but they got to stop hovering above me. they got to let me be let me fall so i know how to pick myself up... They dun even know the real me!! How i am in front of my friends and towards my mother, my one and only BFF... ( Of course Chef and Rubik too!1) But the main points is they dun know me and live in a bubble that can never be broken... When ever i try to tell them them just go back into that freaking bubble!!

OK guys here is the big 411!! My parents is getting DIVORCE... and the mad ting is i an happy about it. Cause i know that this thing is going to happen many years ago.. it is just that my father refuse to admit it... i am happy because i dun have to answer to 3 people any more... some more 2 out if the 3 dun even know me... dun even understand me. i am fucking sick of having to walk out and come home from the back door of my house.. i have to be like a thief when i come back to my VERY OWN HOME!! how AMAZING IS THAT!! i dun have to lie to my aunt where i am going after my school break... i dun have to feel guilty for watching a movie with my bf and just being me, enjoying myself. i could just tell my mother and explain to her that i need some time off and she will understand me without making me feel irresponsible for not studying just for a little while.

After my mother and me moved out of that house i dun have to be careful of wat to say and wat to do... i can bring my da da home without being scolded for being immature for having a bf at this age...

My father doesn't know that when my exams are near i will not see my bf until is it over. he doesn't know that but yet he tells me that all i think is about love and that having a bf will make me do somethings that will make me feel sorry for myself. MOST OF ALL, HE SAID THAT I DUNNO WAT IS LOVE!! HAHAHAHA.... HOW FUNNY IS THAT.. i dunno wat is love? then wat does he know about love? He being married for 20 freaking years but ended up in a divorce, is that freaking L-0-V-E to him? i doubt so.

I am sorry for saying this but i dun feel sad for my father. even though i love him that is because i seen someone i love hurt another person who is very important in my life. and yet dun feel ashamed for doing it, thinking that he is right. Well sorry pal.... i have no pity left for you....

ms teo

2008-08-04T18:29:00.000+08:00

grace i know it sounds wierd and stuff but.. i guess i will just tell you this ok?

this is your life, you can live the way you want it and let nobody's opinion affect you. regardless of whatever that happens along the way in life, remember that during your schooling years in zhonghua there was an idoit plus your bestfriends who actually cares about you, even if they do not show it. my dear girl, your father loves you, i know that you know that, but sometimes it is just difficult for him to say it out. however, believe in yourself, that whatever decision that you've made, you're still yourself..

i don't really talk to you in school now adays cos i duno what to say.. and i hav been acting like an idoit.. i know that. i will admit to you that my life is not as complete or smooth sailing either. but i want you to know that, no matter whatever decision you make, i will support you. even if the world were to say that you suck, i still believe that you're the BEST and that you rock. i'm not that good with words.. so ermx.. =_=

jiayou bah..

-friends forever-

It is DONE.....

2008-08-04T16:08:00.000+08:00

Yesterday my mother said it... the issue is all said and one... My father will find a lawyer to take care of everything... Even though i am prepared for it happen cause my mother told me a long time ago. But i can't help it.. i still feel like crying and i did. cause my sister cried also... I know that my mother will feel happy after this as she is able to live the life that she wanted.. even though it is not the best life she wanted and crave for but at least it is so much better than she present life here. i know who she feel and sometimes i feel the same way!! not hat my father dun treat me well, he loves me and i know that... come on man i am a girl after all i can feel those things!!

But Wat i am scare is that my family members will give me the cold shoulders... not care about me cause i choose to side with my mother!! i am dun like this feeling being like an outcast from my family members... We are suppose to be a family... we should not be like that!! i dun like it... i love my family but sometimes there are changes and sometimes these changes are for the better.... my mother will be happier and my father dun have to argue with my mother already... I am happy that they are going to settle this in a peaceful way and no hard feelings...

God... after this all over i really hope that everything would be better than it already is... i really hope so...

something my father said to me that really pierce my heart. That is.."you follow your mother! she will not take care of you, you will mix with bad company and something will happen to you." How could he say that to me!! my very own father dun even know me!! Wat kind of gal did he think i am?
i have my limits and my mother taught me well.. even if they dun see it.. my mother provide me with the emotional support tat i need from this family.. while he provide me with the materialistic things in my life.. i never say that i am not grateful.. i am really am.. i love my father... i hurts me to heard that my father actually agreed to the separation so calmly.. my father is a man full of pride it takes a lot from him to admit that this marriage is going nowhere... i love him.. i dun want to see anyone of them get hurt.. but this concerns my future and my happiness.. i will choose who i think is the best for me...

All i hope is that my sisters dun hate me and my mother for our choices.. but i know that sometimes you cannot expect everyone to love you of like you... Just remember that you are not alone and that there are still many people put there loving you!!
HAHAHA like my Da da... i love you thanks for being a listener for me and hear me whine... i love you lots!! muckz...

HAPPYY shalalala....

2008-08-02T17:51:00.000+08:00

Yeah baby!! After many stressful nights i have finally come to the second last chapter for my physic revision. Even though i haven memorise it. But as i was making the notes i understand them thus it is almost the same as memorising it!! Yay!! i am going to finish it.. Then next week would be history notes!! i am going to die!! histroy got a lot to memorise leh!! but i an just going to treat it like a story can liao!! I hope!!

SO long never heard from my Da da already!! wonder wat is he doing now.. today is his morning shift... Never sms me!! sob sob!! DA DA ni bu le bao bao le ma!!! wawawa... (T.T) aiyo never mind hope tonight you got call me or else!!! Muwahahaha!!!

seowying is not = to dory

2008-08-02T17:39:00.000+08:00

hello people.. i am DEFINITELY not dory.. =_= if i'm dory... then gracy is fishball! x_x

anyway, today is HUNGRY GHOST FESTIVAL! WOAHH.. got ghost ar.. whatever. =_=

walked back from from school yesterday, only to find paper money etc and JOSS STICKs lying all about the road side. arlo.. people... you know the old sayings that one shouldn't step over those offerings? you lay them all around, how am i suppose to walk! wierdos.. oh well.. don't critisize other people.. cos me ma do the same thing.

finished amath homework.. left with chem.. think do tonite bah. =0
buai.

RED BULL Give me WIngs!! Weee.....

2008-08-01T21:15:00.000+08:00

Yesterday i was planning my timetable again the 3rd time... And as usual i felt really stress and very lost.. as though 24 hours a day was not enough for ma anymore... i feel that iam fighting for time!! getting as much as possible... I hate to feel this way... i start to lose confidence in myself.. Oh GOD it is happening all over again...So i told myself that this fear got to end... i can't let it eat me inside out!! i got to conquer it!! And i will... SOrry to May.. cause she asked me to go out and study with her.. but i did not want to waste time travelling.. so i decided to stay at home!!

So today in order not to let me fall asleep again.. i went to the mini mart to buy REDBULL!! hahaha... at first i believed that i am 100% going to sleep but after 1 hour, i felt my energy come back!! All in one go!! WOW!! Full speed ahead!! but really i have to say that i do love to study cause you get to be with your friends... At this stage, most of us are still very pure!! innocent ba... but when we go into the working world we dun have friend like those we have made during secondary school period... Yes we still make friends but none of them can be compare to the times when we were young!! so i still like studying even though the stress is terrible and tough.

Oh i am really very stress up even when listening to 98.7FM... i am feeling very KAN CHIONG!! hahaha... maybe that's a good thing!! JIA YOU!! (*.*)

Study buddies.... WEE... (>.<)

2008-07-30T17:43:00.000+08:00

When to mac at Marina Square to study with Chef... Hahaha... Had a lot of fun even though these photos was taken a long time ago but this are the only photos that have my beautiful LONG hair... Cause the next day i went to cut my hair and i cut super short like shoulder length!! i dun want!!! but i dun have a choice lor!! cause my Father lah!! Say i must cut cause Singapore weather is so hot then i also have skin problem so i HAVE TO CUT IT!! ARgh... my beautiful long HAIR!

Old Photos in my Closet...

2008-07-30T17:00:00.000+08:00

Was cleaning out my closet.... Closet meaning my Handphone Gallery file.. Found out some photos that are long time overdue.. Even though these photos are taken this year but to some people who read my blog it is damn long time ago...

The first pic.. There from the left is Dory,Ji Tan, SI Jie, ME and Xiao Zhu!! These pics were taken on my school's sports day!! hahaha!! united sia!! all wear class tee... even though only a few are running!!
The Third pic i am standing between Xiao Zhu and Si Jie, WA.. look like the twin tower and i am the brigde hor?

Tsk Tsk... i am that short man!! sad!! why can;t i grow taller?? God Why??

Wa... lalalala... Today super good F-E-E-L-I-N-G Arh!!

2008-07-29T21:54:00.000+08:00

Hello people!! hahaha... today very happy.. in the morning i when to school drinking my Wheat Grass drink!! so the whole time in school damn high lah!! hahaha... Of course ma i am easily high on H2O!! Just give me something to laugh about and i am on my way! Muwahahaha... Anyway today when to see a movie called Prom Night. Wa... not very scary but the storyline is ok ok only lor!! BUT the interesting part is the process of watching the movie with my sisters...

Let me explain it to you, shall i? Ok, SO here how it goes. Chef was sitting on my Left side and Rubik on my Right side so of course i am in the middle... Before the movie starts i told everyone if you feel something grab you throughout the movie dun worry it is just me.. Having state that very clearly, we proceed in to the theatre. So as the movie started everything went fine, there was however people screaming for no reason and that seriously pissed Rubik off... Dun do that ladies and gentleman, it is really very irritating!! Then as i was saying, when we were in the 1/4 through the movie we enter the so called post climax part of the movie... SUDDENLY a hand grab my arm... Not freaking out cause i know that it is only Chef, i turned to my left and stared at her.. But being the "angel" she is, she still continue to "cling" on my arm... she keep mumbling to herself... FOR EXAMPLE... "No! Go back!", "Close the door! Faster!".. The most funny things is this sentence that POP out of her beautiful mouth, "Life is PRECIOUS" Oh my!! hahaha... i laugh like there is no tml man!! Dun you just love her!1 i do, very much though!! cause she is super duper funny in a very simple and innocent way!!
OK enough of this talk!!

Next incident that brightens my day or should i say night is the call from my puppy(DA DA)!! He called me and said the nicest thing to me, that melts my heart and have me eating out of the palm of his hands!! Haahaha... silly me i know.. but isn't he a sweetheart? I mean come one it is not everyday your Bf or GF calls you and confess their love for you but when they do bath in the limelight baby! Dun need to feel shy or anything! YOU deserve it!

Lastly!! I love you too da da!! hahaha...

8 July 2008!!!

2008-07-28T21:16:00.000+08:00

Firstly i feel very bad about posting it so late since it is already 28 July. But i still feel that it is a need to do so lah!! TO give credit to my da da!! 8 July 2008 was our one year anniversary... hahaha always melt my heart when i say it! Wat i gave him was 100% tradition homemade chocolate... That Chef, Rubik and me made... Actually Chef direct me lah and Rubik took all the videos... i want to post it but it is too long i am sure not many of you want to see it anyway...

Anyway i gave him the Chocolates on that day itself... Then later my da da surprise me with a present... It is untouchable, no smell,can see and can hear.... GUESS wat? He played the piano for me to hear... But before that he said something sweet to me!! HAHAHA... not going to revel wat he say to me that is too PERSONAL already lah... But it was really very touching and really made me teared up!! BUT i DID"T let him know!! He flies very easily lah!!
SO everyone wants to know the song that he played for me? Normally everybody will guess.. It is some love song right? Hahaha like that TOP 10 LOVE SONGS? But nope My Da Da is very special... He see things in a different light... He played ONE REPUBLIC FEATURING TIMBERLAND
(TOO LATE TO APOLOGISE)
Surpisingly i record the video of him playing the song.. even though it is not perfact but too me it is something that he do for me.. not buying expensive stuff for me to prove that this day is really very special for him. But by playing a song that he practise for quite some time... THANKS BABY!! i really loved it!!

Now it is time to view this Video for all to see!! Just hope that he does not scold me when he sees this!! MUCK da da...

DA DA!!

2008-07-28T17:59:00.000+08:00

Hey da da... Guess you are still sleeping. cause yesterday you didn't have enough sleep... So how is your hair? Cut already arh!! hahaha... wonder how it look like? Give me a photo leh... then i can post on the blog and show everyone the BEFORE and AFTER effect... See got any difference a not? Hey actually today wanted to study my physic but caome home already 5.00 plus feeling very tried. Cause i just finish my maths SSP. We did a lot of questions.. I think around 5 Questions... i know in your heart you all must be thinking Chey so little only wat!! where got a lot!! But hor i tell you... it is very long de lor! do until my Brain Juice is experiencing a drought now!! Cannot think arh!! (@.@) Feeling sleepy.. Wanna go and sleep.. My tution teahcer teach me to sleep for 15 minutes only then wake. But i tried lah!! i really got try one hor!! but cannot leh... even when my alarm in my handphone go off hor, i still can sleep like a dead log one leh!! i am starting to get worried.. but sleeping like that and waking up at night to studying also can rite? If my teacher was here. he would say " But you got study at night anot?" Hais.. everytime he say something like that i will have to just shut my little golden mouth and listen... PLUs not forgetting to NOD my head...

Sorry lah.. but ren jia really want to sleep lah.. damn tired you know? hais... Rubik and Chef i wonder wat are they doing noe? Oh and DORY!! where are you? how come you so long never post anything liao? GOLDFISH!!! "Just keep swimming.. Just keep swimming..."

ChiHauHau OR Kitty???.... DaDa wat's your pick?

2008-07-27T13:58:00.001+08:00

Well yesterday i when to Pet Safari with Rubik and Chef to check out the pricing for everything that is needed for a Cat... Cause i haven been taking care of dogs for quite a long time so i feel that maybe it is time to change... So suddenly the idea of taking care of a Cat came into my mind. some more yeaterday Rubik and Chef didn't have anything else to do. So i asked them to pei wo lo... Hahaha..

So i head down to pet safari to check out the price of the Cat... And to my horro i got to shock of my life... Actually i was happily taking down al the stuff required for the arrival of the Cat.. let me show you the list!!

1.Cat Condo:$212.50
2.Litter box:$14.80 (40x30x11cm)

3.Litter box Disinfectant Spray:$12.10

4.Cat Shampoo (John Paul 3 in 1):28.68

5.Cat Can food(Fussie Cat fresh):$1.40
6.Water dispenser:$37.45

7.Trustie cat toy:$2.90

8.Vet Basis(Dental Treat Paste):$7.40

9.Cat Lover Cleaning and Grooming Powder:$9.10
10.Science Diet (Hairball Control or Oral Care):$23.00 [1.58KG]
11.Red Dingo(Cat Collar):$9.15

12.Cat Bed(Monarch):$91.29

13.Cat litter(sand):$8.42
14.Cat bag(Trustie fashion carrier):$55.50
15 and 16. Female cat and Male cat from SPCA cost $65 and $50 repectively...

Thus the total cost is $$$628.69....

Da da you think i should buy wat animal? i like Cat leh but Chihuahua also not bad leh... cannot buy so big dog lah... cause it is not cheap lor!! bleah... UNLESS DA DA buy for me lah? hahaha... da da i was thinking hor i should share with my mum... after Os i will be working ma so i can share half with my mother then i will go and buy a long hair Chihuahua.. the short hair Chihuahua eyes are hug men!! like GOLI... i then dun want!! scary sia you imagine in the middle of the night, you let your Chihuahua sleep beside you then you suddenly wake up from a nightmare then in front of you got another nightmare arh!! EYES SO BIG!!

Doggy Daycare.....

2008-07-27T13:23:00.000+08:00

This is my da da.... FOrever young man!! you will never know how old he is!! I dare to bet with you!! hahaha... da da very good ok cause he help me to take care of my puppy!! Muckzzz.. SO lovable lor!! hee.. Thanks DA DA!

This is the introduction of my cute little puppies in my life...
This dog here is called Rookie... It actually belongs to me but i had to move house so i gave it to my da da.. See he(BF) is such a cutie for accepting my dog.. He took great care of it... And i can see that Rookie is loving every minute of it with him... hahaha... mucks

This is a picture of one of my puppies.. Her beautiful name is called Ruby.. hahaha... She really an angel.. Adorable personality...

Now this is my handsome baby BOy!!! hahaha... CAlled Rascal.. Now ladies and gentleman i now that by now you all should have seem a certain pattern in all my three dogs.. They name all starts with the Letter R... hahaha...

2008-07-27T00:28:00.000+08:00

Sorry guys so long never give anything for you all to see... hahaha.. This is very embaressing but i feel that it is something that i did with all my heart and soul even though not all of the chocolate survived but i managed to save something... And let me say this first that it is not as bad as it seems cause it is actually quite successful and NO ONE DIED IN THE MAKING FOR THE VIDEO!!

This video the main characters are
: Chef ( The CHEF ... THE!! )
: Rubik ( camera woman)
: Me ( the MAD lady laughing the most!)

2008-07-27T00:05:00.000+08:00

Ta Da!! This is the jigsaw puzzle that I and Chef have done for Rubik's birthday. This puzzle was completed within 3 days.... And mind you this piece of puzzle is 1000 pieces leh!! Wat a great achievement! Of course not all i do one lah... Still got Chef and my 2 helpful and lovable maids.... Without them i think i would be able to finished it one time as i have to study for my prelims... SCARED.... Really hope that she will like it...

Today we lured Rubik out to vivo, the place near the harbour... Chef's bf was holding the cake and waiting for our signal to bring out the cake with the candles all lit up...hahaha..... Rubik's was very scare at first as i moved slowly towards her trying to

Rubik humbly accept thy cake...
cover her eyes.. muwahahaha.... then as the cake was brought out she was so stunned as the guy who brought out the cake was Chef's bf.. she looked up and then saw the person who was holding the cake and immediately cover her face and said the word " PAISAY!!" very loudly... hahaha.. Last but never the least... (>.<)

"Happy Birthday Rubik DEAR!!!"
"May all your wishes come true!!"

Gracie's Newsletter.....

2008-07-26T23:36:00.000+08:00

Today when out at around 10.00am to head off to da da's house. Hahaha... So excited cause never see him for so long liao.. Some more i really missed him... Once i reached his house, da da was very happy to see me!! hug hug and muck muck... hee... so happy and excited at the same time... Then after meeting him, we when out to vivo city to have our early dinner.. at around 4.00 plus.. cause da da have to go for night shift liao so cannot pei me.. sob sob (T.T) But never mind at least da da got pei me for that little while.. hahah.. hey i know that from 10.00 to 4.00 os very long but miss him a lot ma. so time passes very fast one lah!!

Anyway we when to Terra and eat.. I ate Shepard's pie and drank Honey Lime Green Tea. while da da ate Red Eye Steak and drank iced mocha Vanilla. Hahaha... had great fun eating cause da da was very grumpy at the start cause " A hungry is a angry man!!" said da da.. so there was 2 expression from the start of the meal and the end of the meal.. The Shepard's pie is not good lor!! There's a funny taste to it... dunno whether is my mouth or the food cause da da liked it leh!! i think the potato is more then the beef that i order lor!! aiyo...

So after that i when to send da da off... sob sob... the bus arrive very fast leh.. so sad so fast got to leave him. then anyway i went to meet chef and her bf to prepare for Rubik's party.. not so much for a party but more of a small celebration for Rubik.. i went to Swiss bake and collected the cake...see....

Friends...

2008-07-25T18:23:00.000+08:00

Today i went to Rubik's house... hahaha really had a great time. Played scrabble and sucked badly at it. Aiyo so paisay lor... Cannot lah spelling got to improve lah!! Or else very shy lah!!

Oh yar yesterday and today very happy cause i got back my Chemistry and Physic and History teat papers leh!! hahah scored pretty good really proud of myself... Da Da you have to treat me hor!! never see you for many weeks liao then i can concentrate on my studies!1 see i got really concentrate hor!! Hee... can't wait for my meal to be served!!
Tml is Rubik's party... very excited to give to cake to her... Find for very long leh!! erm... not very long lah but still got put in effort to find it ok!! anyway Chef dunno whether will be going anot? Cause last minute change timing... Actually can one, then suddenly change cause must see the Ferris wheel with her bf cause first time must go with him... hahaha... romantic arh.. like that also want to Qiang.. ok lah like wat cao cao will say " kan ni xiao xiao lah!" hahaha.... even though they are all older than me. hais.. wat can i do? So last minute change to go and watch PROM NIGHT!! ARH!!! scary show but just wat Rubik like it to be.. Never in my entire life have i ever see and gal who enjoy in paying to scare herself!! Tsk..Tsk
Anyway still dunno where to go yet but will come out with a place one lah..

I will take pictures one!! so sorry so long never even show one stinking picture on my blog!! super duper sorry will change and take as many pictures as my cute camera can take thanks....

2008-07-24T19:21:00.000+08:00

Today went out with Chef to vivo to shop around... nothing in particular... so just wandering around then SUDDENLY mini me.. had a serious craving and i mean a really big one for moi B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L Boneless Chicken Chop... MuWaHaHaHa...

Wat can i say man the chicken is really very nice.. there is mayo on it... hmmm yum yum... Somemore the chicken is very crispy on the outside and soft in the inside.... It really licking finger GOOOOD....
But then the more i eat then more i feel like my stomach is going to explode.... Bham... like that leh.. but still have to finish it cause cannot bring home. wait my aunt say " wa got so much money can go out and eat arh?" " ok lor next time dun give you so much money."
NOOOOOOO!!!!! that cannot and will never happen to me... hahaha.. i know the way i say, can tell that i am a very money face person.. ($.$) BUT i am not that money face lah... casue i know that money cannot buy everything and will never be able to buy something that will last forever one. hahaha.. but money can tian bao my du zi!! MuWahahha... Am i right?
So Chef and i were walking around at harbourfront centre and found a cake shop hahah!! just nice i wanted to buy a cake for Rubic but i was running low on cash this month then dunno whether where can find a cheap but nice and presentable cake!And lucky me i found it. I order it happily and will be able to collect it by Sunday. hahaha.. happy and satisfied with myself as if i have accomplished a major task but anyway hope tat Rubic will be happy with this.

Oh yup, the cake is a chocolate truffle with bitter dark chocolate and a little bit if rum just for the flavour. On that day then i will post the picture out ok? hahah... somemore Rubic love dark chocolate so just nice.. Hope Rubic will like, what chef and me had done...
Shit arh.. i think the chicken is getting back at me... my head hurts... eat too much...

oh yar just around 4.00 i called da da and talked to him!! yeah man we are ok! actually no big deal one lah but it we think too much lah! hahaha... thank god both of us dun like to argue so everything especially arguments ends on that day or max 1 day only.. then we forget about it and move on!! hahaha luckily we both dun like to bear grudge hee...
hahaha... my silly puppy.. on Saturday can see you liao leh... before you go to work at around 5.00 plus bao bao come and pei you.. then later go to Rubic's party.. muck muck.. take care da da see you on Saturday.. can't wait!!

I am very sorry!!

2008-07-22T11:22:00.000+08:00

i am very sorry... i didn't mean to made you feel hurt or anything. i feel very sad and i know that i am also in the wrong.. but i realise that it is not all me. i am not putting the blame on anyone casue i know that in a relationship both party is always in the wrong.. nobody in a relationship is right. i juat hope that you understand that i did not doubt you or acuse you of anything. i was very hurt when you say something about lossing the basic of trust. i did not do anything to make you loss this basis of trust... i am confuse and scare!!

Da Da are you ok? You dun want Bao Bao already arh?

I love you leh!! and when you say that i worried too much, it is not like you are suffering from a fatal illness like that. i was very hurt.... it hurts baby... I love you baby AND I WANT THIS TO LAST AS LONG AS POSSIBLE.

2008-07-16T22:22:00.000+08:00

Hey,after the Os i want to find a job. So anybody who knows one please feel free to tagged me. Or those who know me personally please CALL me arh!!
I was thinking of working in the pet farm or pet safari.... You think they will QING WO MA? hahaha i dunno leh.. all i know is that if i want to change all my furniture in my room and buy all those paints, i have to earn enough money to be able to purchase these items... So yup!! Anybody who knows a good job TELL ME ok? thanks....

This is for my da da... DA DA after DEC 12 must start to learn hor!! then it will be much easlier for us to go out together liao.. Dun worry i will try to pay half one lah... hee.. I love you.. miss you lots leh... See you on saturday, you come pick me at bugis ok? then go out to have dinner!! Be my ATM for one day lah ok?

MUCKZZ... next year let's work hard together... get wat we want in life ok!! DA DA have great ambition!!
" I'll stand by you! I'll stand by you. Don't let nobody hurt you. I'll stand by you...."
That's WAT I PROMISE YOU!!
(cross my heart and hope to live!! hee... )

All in all... lets all jia you ba.. we have to believe in ourselves in order to make others believe in us. So everybody who is studying in 5N1 at Z******* Secondary School. Let's make history through trainers!! Get single digit, whole class stand on the stage with our head held high!

2008-07-16T19:07:00.000+08:00

Dear diary, i am very happy and excited as right after the big Os i am able to have my very own room. And also able to redecorate it to suit my needs and to complete the perfect room in my heart.

I know that i am not auppose to think about these tyoes of things right now, but this is the only thing can help me de-stress. hahahaha(>.<) I want to buy a circular bed, a red arm chair that looks like an egg that you have install it to your ceiling. I want to have a dressing table that is build on ground level. I want to buy 2 cats a boy and a gal. Of course from the SPCA. Save the animals GUYS!! hee...
I am also going to paint my room..... erm paisay colour not confirm yet, cause my Da jie which is my feng shui master say red is not good, purple is also not good lah... then only left with beige and light brown. Argh... so sad cannot paint red... i want scarlet red lah... aiyo!!

But before i start all these, i first got to go to IKEA and see here and see there... check out the latest design and the function ability and whether it is lasting. Oh yar, my er jie which is my budget manager will also be following me, telling me which price is reasonable and which is not.. hahaha... see i am so much trouble. heee really give it up to my BF!! banzai banzai...

so after my Os me, da jie, er jie and pei shan will be following me to IKEA hahah... here i come!!!

Pls. hope i have the money man....
as they say " money money money it's a rich man world!"

2008-07-15T19:17:00.000+08:00

I am very happy...Because i have manage to clear the air from my frendship. I realise that i have these friends who are able to understdn me in times of need and is able to respond to me and give me their point if views. " Only Friends Tell You That Your Face Is Dirty" quite true, don't you think?

I am happy to have frenz that are able to help me and not leave me alone to my own devices. I will change ok? Hahaha... I am not perfect but i know wat is needed to be done inthis friendship...
JIA YOU!!!

2008-07-12T19:54:00.000+08:00

Shit lah. My father always start to grumble about my mother during dinner. Dun he ever get tried of doing so? Never mind all i have to do is tolerate till after my Os then i wil be able to finally get away from this kind of lifestyle.

i always have to watch wat i say towards him. Always cautious around him hoping that my actions or my words will not make him flare up again. I an so sick of being this way. i am not able to voice out my point of views towards him. Scare of getting scolded my him.

Always looking down on me thinking that i cannot do anything great in my life. Never once say something encouraging to me. Not once did i hear him say good when i show him my results. He will just keep harping my my weakness... HE dun see anyone but himself and my sisters. Well... after my Os he will lose me and i am not going back.

Even though the life may be difficult and i may have to work to help my mother, but at least i will be happy being who i am and not someone hope i will be. I dun regret my decision because i have my mother with me. we will make things right. Yeah man!! God hope you wull bless me and my mother in the years to come and give us the strength to carry on. Ahem.. (^.^)

Bored...

2008-07-12T17:13:00.000+08:00

so sian.. now doing my english comprehension.. slacking away..
Nothing much to do leh... Yea everybody will say study lah.. But not easy leh.. No mood is No mood hor. So now i am resting.
Halfway study, Halfway listening listening to music on youtube,
Halfway study again then Halfway doing something on my blog.

DAMN it man.. so sian lor.. there is no one who is able to go out and study with me. i am all left alone. My er jie is going out with her BF. My da jie is forever packing her stuff, preparing to move house. aiyo she have a lot of stuffs lah, that's all i can say. Then i ask Ao Sheng but he going prawnning with his frens...
Wanted to ask my mother to go out with me to watch a movie but i have totally no money which by the way sucks like hell.. Can't see my Bf casue he is now 100% sleeping like a PIG.And also i told him that i cannot see him until my Prelims is over. Oh man i wish i could take that back lor.

This sucks not being able to see him. But i know it is for my own good!! i got to choing all the way. To socre well for my Prelims. hais... there is till 6 more weeks ti go to my Prelims. That means not seeing him for almost one mth plus leh. Holy cow how am i able to "Tar Han". Nope i got to think about my life after Os hahaha.... i can go out leh.. go shopping and coming home late.. Wellnot that later lah. but at least i can have my freedom BACk!!! I feel good.... ( oh man that dun sound right.) Erm... i feel happy lah..

Mean while i got to slog my GUTS out fot my STUDIES and FUTURE. But after that TAIWAN LOOK OUY HERE I COME. So happy can go with my sisters hee... Er jie is so excited lah. Yesterday i say we must go there to buy a lot of CLothes Shoes and SKIRTs.. SHE started say YEA YEA YEA to every single statement i say. WOW... she is super doper excited lah. hahaha... well hope we all do wel in our studies.. JIA YOU!!!