Tainted Nails and a Roses of Tattoo

"I'm In LOVE with a Fairytale,take ME away Mr Prata Man”

I am in love with a lone warrior...

Sunday, October 31, 2010 || 10:09 PM

Roaming around the neighborhood was what I did last night....

Letting myself be fragile was what i let go...

I held his hands in every step of the way... Afraid that if i let him go he will disappear and never come back...

Scare that my love wasn't enough to keep him from going away..

Family - so what even if you share the same blood.... It doesn't mean that you share the same feeling towards each other... Even though you are born and lived together... But it doesn't grantee anything.. You cannot count on that person to look after your back...

I am in love with a lone warrior...
And thy shall be the his home...
Thy shall not give up nor shall thy leave...

Everything that happen to him and whatever he is experiencing...

I will want to know and share with him..

The more i want to be with him and love him with everything i have got...
Yes, I depend on him but yet... I know in some way he depends on me too...
In a little small microscopic way, deep down i know he does..
Just that he doesn't notice it.
I dun him to shut away from the world, or from me...
I know that i will always find the strength to stand beside him...

Now i know how it feels when the whole world is against you, but even that doesn't stop you.. You just want to keep going because you are are not willing to let go....

I will keep going, no matter what..
I know that people may think that i am still young how can i know whether this is it?
but all i know is i dun do something halfheartedly, when i am in.

I am all in and i will not keep some back...

Even if i fall, i will only be stronger and not weaker..

Never weaker..

Never...

Friends...

Wednesday, October 27, 2010 || 1:34 AM

Today after night class I went out to have dinner with Glenda and we were talking about friends and people that we once got along so so well, but in the end ended badly. How someone so close to you can be the person who hurt you the most.

So it got me thinking about having a friendship is like learning a lesson and also taking a risk. Telling everything that you know and happen in your life to someone who is not related to you in any way. Maybe just the same classes or having a common interest. And that's all, but yet there is something very special in that person that once you begin to speak to her, but you clicked with her straight away. There is no doubt in you that in the near future she will be the person who will rip out your heart and tear it to shreds.

Sounds painful? But I guess everyone knows how is feels, the actual feeling is way more intense than that. Sometimes I wonder whether do we know that this person is going to be the person who will hurt us? Maybe we did, but we chose not to see. We know that that person is slowly drifting away from us, but yet we hope that it is just a moment of folly and that the person will eventually come back to us. Because they know that we love then and cherish this friendship we have.

But the more we hope there is nothing and nothing is what we will get when we hope for the things that aren't true.

Oh gosh, I dunno why I am being so emo today. Sorry guys.. For this post..

all the boys wanna be like her, all the gals wanna be like her...

Saturday, October 23, 2010 || 7:41 PM

Yes and for me it will be a library full for tattoos and art and designs that touches the life of people.

That express all sorts of emotions not only just for the sake of beauty but to portray what is truly hidden in the soul for every human being..

That kind of art is priceless..

And yes people.... I am going to get a tattoo for myself when i graduate from Poly.. To give myself something and i believe it will not be my last tattoo.. But first of course i have to consult with the doctor. (-.-)

Our body is art itself.. Filling it colours and words bring us to life....

Sometimes words are written to remind ourselves...

To show strength?

.....To be proud of it....

....To show elegance....

....To remind ourselves that the worse will soon be over....

....Something only we can understand....

To show our love for something to the world?

KINKY!!

....It can be gentle if it wants to....

....It can be crude if it has to....

....It can show love if it true....

....OR IT CAN SPEAK FOR ITSELF...

|| 12:58 PM

Sorry for being a bore... But i am really very bored.. And i have nothing to do. Holidays are over.. And i will be starting school on Monday.. Oh God... I hate the feeling of starting school.. No no, dun get me wrong i dun hate school.. In fact, i think i like it. And i like going to school to be with friends ans bitch about everything to what the lecturers are wearing to how certain people really gets on my nerves.. Haha... School life.. Better enjoy it while you can..

But Now there is so much things in my mind right now! So many worries.. Things that are beyond my control.. But yet keeps continuing to bug me like a leech that is sucking gallons of blood from my body.. HATE IT!!!

My GPA dropped again by 0.1... Yes even though it is 0.1 but i am still irritated by it. I told myself that i have to improve and not reprove.. But what am i do?? HUH HUH HUH!!! Hais..

Then comes my parents stuff.. Parents love to make things as complicated as them can possibly make. And i am all caught up in the middle.. Come on!! They are already divorced, living their separate lives.. Why do they still have to live SIMILAR lives.. and have SIMILAR problems?? How can i not be caught up in it? I am your child.. I will always be there when something happens..

Oh god.. Please give me the strength and powerful to hold myself up and keep pushing through.. Not giving up.. I have to get a good job to be able to take care of my parents.. They both have a started a new life.. My father and his girlfriend, my mother and her boyfriend.. And people say they i can't deal with complicated?? Phss... My family is complication itself.. I may have a step sibling from my mother and another one from my father!! Talking about screwing up??

I am not being angry or being unreasonable.. I am understanding to what my parents are going through now.. I know that they have gotten out of an unhappy marriage and have now finally found someone.. I am happy for them.. I really am.. But please dun forget that you are also a parent to me and my sisters.. My mum forgot my birthday yesterday.. When she was out with her boyfriend.. Hahaha... Seriously i didn't know it was this bad... Hahaha...

Damn i really should move out and get my own life once i graduate.. I have another house at Pasir Ris.. I could go and live there with him.. The two of us always wanted to be away from family.. Always seeing ourselves as independent people..

Hahaha... I really dun have anybody that is really close to me ( at my father side... ) I see the need to make any small talk.. Hais... I am tried for being someone i not with them.. I guess one day i will just have to scare them!! Hahah.. Appear in front of them with a different attitude and with some tattoos on me?? hahaha...

MAYBE I WILL??

The only girl in the world..

Friday, October 22, 2010 || 9:03 PM

It's been a long time since i have been blogging.. But today is excatly a good day for me to blog down my feelings and thoughts.. But no pictures though.. didn't take any today..

Today is the day when i come out of my mother's belly squeaking like a pig!! Hahaha... Happy 19th birthday to me.. May all the wishes and my dreams come true... And today i truly felt as the ONLY GAL in the world.

I went over to his house and at first i didn't expect him to give me anything.. Or at the most we will go out and have dinner at a place where we dun often go and eat. Cause he wasn't a person who will celebrate birthdays, to him birthdays was just any other normal day.

We woke up early and i went to make breakfast for him.. Bread with peanut butter and butter.. with Hot milk tea.. Haha.. The funny part is the hot milk tea.. I passed to him and then he asked me where did i get the condense milk from..

" Erm.. I got it from the fridge.. ( Where else would i have get it from?) Why?"
" Cause i think when i and going for NS i saw the condense milk in the fridge already."

Oh my god... When he said that i was drinking my tea and still thinking to myself that it was quite nice.. Thumbs uo for me... YAY! Then i felt like puking when he said that!! Hais... (-.-)

After the breakfast, his mum cooked lunch for us.. WE did a lot of silly things in the afternoon.. WE watched stupid youtube videos and laughed our ass off.. WE did some difficult puzzles from a Book that his brother got.
One of the question was : BEUCNO BCKA AND FTOHR. And we had to rearrange the words to form a sentence. Haha.. It was really very easy but he just couldn't see it... From BEUCNO to BECOUN to all sorts of werid alien looking words... But it was just a very easy word BOUNCE!! [BOUNCE BACK AND FORTH] Hahaha... We all had a good laugh about it..

Then slept again.. Seriously, I always felt very tired when i am at his house.. I think it is the bed sia... Haha... Woke up and played with Chester and Junior.. Hahaha.. Silly dogs!!

At one moment he asked me this question : " If i tell you something will you be angry? "
" No... Why? "
" Oh, then cn i give you your present another day? Cause you are here so i didn't have time to pack it... "
" I was relieved.. I though what big serious bomb was going to bazooka right in front of my face... Phew!!"
So now i am looking forward to the present cause i didn't expect anything cause i understand his circumstances.. And i know.. (>.<)

Then we went out to find my cake.. My cheese cake.. He was very determine to get my cheese cake.. Haha.. Seeing him look at every single cake shop available at Tampines mall area.. I felt really touched and loved. I really am blessed to have him in my life... =) Ate dinner at Pastamania and then when home..

Even though he didn't have much money to spare... He said something that really made me wanna cry.. " Never mind, what you want just tell me.. No money i will still get it for you.. " ( In my mind i really didn't feel like getting anything liao.. I just want to be with him... And give him a big fat KISS!! )

Even though it was a huge celebration or going to a fancy restaurant or receiving nice expensive presents.. I felt that the little things that he does was more than enough for me. Exactly at 12.00 pm, he wished me Happy Birthday.. I felt happy for someone who doesn't think much about birthdays, actually made the afford to say that to me.. Small gesture i know..

He asked me how do i usually spend my birthday with my friends and loved ones.. He asked me is it very boring to be spending the first few hours of my birthday doing nothing.. Haha.. I kept telling him that it is ok.. I also dunno how o spend my birthdays.. Cause it is usually very random.. Haha.. But he kept saying that it wasn't ok and that he wanted to do something.. Haha...

Even though the night ended was what we expect or wanted.. But i really had a good time with him and i am sure i will enjoy many more birthdays to come with him... There are many things that he is thinking about.. And i will not ask even though i feel like asking and will be able to share his problems.. But i know i will not saying anything as long as i am here with him and let him know that i am here for him.. I feel that one step at a time will be able to comfort him..

Thanks you god for everything you have done in my life.. And have given me. Amen..

......

Saturday, October 2, 2010 || 2:43 PM

I am feeling real sad right now.... Not sad as in crying my heart out sad, but sad in a way i feel that i am being pushed away.... Which i know is not what he is trying to say...

But nevertheless, i still feel it... I know that even after five months he still sees himself as alone and not someone that has another person beside him. He has been alone for such a long time and is so independent, sometimes i wish he will need me more. And that i could be a help to him, be it his studies or in his life. I hope that i am as important to him as he is to me.

He always doesn't show his emotions well, i understand as a guy sometimes it is not easy showing and letting the ones close to you know how much they mean to you...

I have been planning for today for about 4 days now, i know he didn't like me to get him anything because to him this day is still the same like any other day. But i wanted to do something for him, i realize i always like to show my affection for him and loves to do things for him. Some how, i like seeing his reaction when receiving something i have done.
And the worse part is i cannot get him to co-operate with me if i want to bring him out for a simple dinner. We hardly go out because he have to study and i dun want him to spend so much money, but since it is something special, why not? Why not go out to have a dinner or even catch a movie?

But he couldn't because i know he doesn't want me to spend the money on him and rather that i save the money for something more important than that. But to me i am ok with spending the money on that day, it is not like i get to go out with him that often. He have to spend the day with his family that i understand, of course i do. It is not the 'Not spending time with me' that i am sad about.

It is the things that he said about going over to his house. That i shouldn't go over too often, at first i though it is because he felt that i always have to run here and there so he didn't want me to go over. But then he replied me that it was becoming a habit and it should stop. For a moment, of course what he said hurts, it hurts a lot. But then when i think about it, i know that that wasn't his house and it will be very ill mannered for me to keep going into someone else's house to meet and spend time with someone who dun own the house. So i understand.

I know that what he meant wasn't to push me away, but as someone who loves you and wants to be with you, of course it hurts. Somethings just can't be sugar coated it had to be said and he said it. I know where he is coming from, that we should also spare a though for other people's feelings and understand them.

Still as a gf i did something for him and i guess i will be giving it to him tml then. I spent a lot of time on it and i really wanted it to be the best and represent how much he meant to me.. Anyways i feel much better pouring all whatever i have stored up inside....
That's all peeps...
Byezzzz!!!!!