Time changes everything, even you and I have changed
My parents are Hoochie Mama and Nerdy Papa, hence my name is Nerdy Mama.
I wear a pair of RED-framed glasses, which i think i look good in. Hee... And I'm seen with a book wherever I go.
I'm a geek who is living in my little world full of Elves, Pixie Dust and Tiny Shoemakers. My friends know me for the crazy biatch i am sometimes, but of course the typical me don't give a damn.
I in love with the man, that is the complete opposite of me BUT nevertheless i believe we were made for each other, dun you think so?
-That's me (-_____-)
I am very happy to have you as my friend and that i am able to talk to you about practically anything under the sun..
There are a lot of things that we have known about each other, with the thing in mind that we will never be judged and we understand each other. I am proud to say that you are one of the few that i am really myself, baring it all.
You were the first person in which we share deep and meaningful questions, asking each other what is our goal in life and even sometimes " Do you think he is the one? " type of question.
To me you were the first person in which i admire the most, you are a person that is very driven to get what she wants and what she hope to achieve. You are the person who will push on through hard times and emerge a victor. You are strong on the inside but yet i feel that you are soft too..
Remember there was one time where you told me that you feel that you are an evil person and that you dun feel good about it. My dear dearest friend, you are not!! We are not perfect, all of us will be evil too, that's how you know good from bad. That's how you different shade a good feeling from a bad feeling. If you are able to think that you are a bad person, then i can say 100% that you are not a bad person. As a bad person will never FEEL or THINK that he or she is bad for a moment.
I really hope that you will find whatever you are finding for, be in who you are or even your happiness.. I really hope that good things happen to you in the future and that you will be successful in whatever you set your heart to do. Maybe we will even become business partners and open our concept store.
My only regret is that i didn't know you earlier in year one... But nevertheless i am happy to have met you and become friends... And i really hope that this friendship will not end after we graduate from school. And that we will still be able to ask each other questions that we dun not dare to ask ourselves.
Thank you for being there... Really looking forward to our outing trip... (^.^)
|| 6:20 PM
I'm back or am i not?
I am still thinking about what i want after i start going out, facing the real world.
I am lost, then again i think we are all lost when we are thrown out of the only comfort that we know off then left to decide which way to turn to.
Which way will i turn to? Which path will i chose to travel on? Will i make a mistake and chose an path in which bounds me so so tightly to it that i cannot breathe and i will lose myself.
Or will i take a paths that liberates me, i will be able to do what i want and hope for in my life. I will be able to mound and shape my future.
I am afraid of something that i do not know, the feeling of not knowing what you want is terrifying and as the time goes passes, i am not getting an answer.
I am already a senior in my school, i am going to be 20 years old this year. I am going to have to make choices which will determine how i will move on from here. I am going to face bosses and have to fit my ideals into the society.
After SIP i will have to deal with my final year project and then i am done. Am I ready? Am i strong enough to handle expectations given to me by strangers and can i meet then? I know that when i am placed in that situation i will be able to cope cause i wouldn't want to let that person down. But do i want to be in that position?
I dunno all the answers, i am also still starting out and trying to find my footing in this. I know that once i fall there will be nobody to support me. Cause they are not me, they will never know and feel what i am feeling.
I want to be a stylist, i want to try to work in events, i would also like to see whether i am able to be in the visual merchandising industry. So many wants and woulds... But i only have one shot, there is not trying.
Maybe that is the thing i am scared of make a mistake as i dun want to chose the wrong path or make the wrong decision. But because i know that i am afraid that's why i am scared of making the wrong decision under a heat of the moment.
Hais.. Why can't everything be more simpler... Fuck my life if i am were to end up in a job which i hate and i have lost myself in it. Seriously FUCK MY LIFE.
Sunday, March 20, 2011 || 3:08 AM
Hey guys i'm back... Going to start my holidays soon... It is not already here but i am starting to go into holiday mood.. Been zoning out and i cannot seem to concentrate.. I miss all my groupies... My clique and bitch... Have to meet up soon..
Schools hasn't been great, because of one particular module.. But its ok.. I am over and done with.. That module really drained me.. But at least i know where i stand and how much i can push my limits. I really gave a lot to that module.. But i got a feeling that maybe i will not do as well as i though i deserve.
You see... design school the grades i get from there are very subjective, you will never exactly go your grades justice... What i am trying to say is that people based the results on your appearance, it is no longer the good old fashion how well can you produce the work and are you good at what you do. No... It is about how you look too and whether are you pretty or dun your face put people off... I dunno what the hell is going on here.. All i know is that ain't fair and the world is not fair to begin with so i have to just shut my trap and go about doing my work...
But some how there is just that rage or fire in me that cannot be extinguished.... I am mad by a lot of things, things in which i cannot control but yet it seem like is an indirect result caused by me? My life is Fucked up... FML... (-.-)
Then again i am worried about my portfolio, i didn't think i did a lot of work in which i am proud off in these 2 years... In a blink of an eye, i already going to be a year 3, i am going to start my internship in about 3 months? I am excited but yet nervous too.. I dunno what to expect.. I want the company to sign me after i graduate and start climbing from there, and i also hope that the company that i am going to will have a path in which i can go further and expand from there.
But we cannot just hope for everything to go in our way right? We as human are bound to fuck up some part of our lives..
So guys, wish me luck.. I think i gonna need lots and lots of it.. And bless my employer!! God bless you man, gal? Hahahaha....
Monday, December 27, 2010 || 5:01 AM
It is soo fucking great when you have somebody to whine and talk about almost anything in your life. In fact, that person is constantly updated on whatever crap or bullshit that is happening in your life right now.
Yea, Yea so what if i am only 19 years old. Problem dun give a rat ass about whether you will crash under the pressure or feel like crap? They come and goes. You just got to learn to deal with it and through that you learn. Well, at least that's how i learn. I learn things the hard way and sometimes i try so hard to help some or my friends see that, they still dun budged. And the worse thing of all is that they will come back to you for support and just being there. But you cannot not at under any fucking circumstances say i told you so.
Oh god, sometimes i really wish i can say that.
Or even worse, sometimes i feel like saying where is your fighting spirit?
This is post is to a friend whom i have known for a long long time and i have always regard her as my sister or even closer than that. I know that in the real world you dun have friends and even if you have, remember and be prepare to leave them someday. But for friends which you have through many years of studying and mugging together, dun ever let them go. Cause they may turn out to be the only constant in your life.
So to my friend,
I have seen you grow from your little timid self to someone that is not afraid to voice out our opinion about things. But now i felt that you have lost your voice and you cannot reach out to me. Maybe you have chosen someone else to reached out to, nevertheless i am still happy and contented to at least know that you have found someone you can talk to about these things.
Me of all person who is in your life, knows how much effort you have put in this issue, i know and see all of that. But now i have seen the fire or the spark grown smaller and smaller throughout these years. My heart ache for you, cause i remember how you were when you first started out. Always making an effort in making sure that your feelings was being conveyed.
Even after that horrible incident, you have managed to get over and recover ( not fully ) but at least you managed to go through it. I know that scars are still there and maybe it will never go away but you have to fight for what is yours.
You dun deserve whatever you are getting now, as the years go by you should be getting more and more. But now even you felt that there is not much you can do to save it. So i am here for you, no matter what. I know it will be difficult but i know i will not be the only one here for you. There will be all your close friends with you, we will do many stupid things or crazy things to get through it.
So for once, make a scene. Make it as loud as possible, dun worry about the mess. Biatch and i will handle it. We will support you when you are at your weakest point. I will make time for you. Cause at my lowest you were there, you managed to see through my weakness and my mistake and still stand beside me. You did that for me, cause you know the real me.
I will do that for you too. So go ahead make a scene already!! Let everybody know that things are not what as they seem. Let people know including the ones involved know that you are not ok with somethings and somethings have to change.
Every time when i ask you are you ok with the things in your life, you always say yes, there is nothing wrong. But there IS!!! I can see that, i can feel that from your emotions and your reactions. I know you.... Don't you think it is silly to hide things from me? After being together for so long?
It is ok to cry, it is ok to feel that things are not right. It is ok to make your voice heard. I will be there, i know i will cause i will never forgive myself if i am not there to help you through this or to even just be there. We (Biatch and me) want you to feel something, to be angry for once to show emotions and let everybody know what exactly is wrong here.
You are not in the wrong here. ( not totally)
People makes mistakes and so do you, so just for once be childish and throw a tantrum like never before and get it over once and for all.
You are not alone.. I promise.
Sunday, December 26, 2010 || 10:39 PM
Recently i have found less lesser and lesser reasons to go online.
Honesty i have no idea why? I dun find anything good about going online surfing the internet.. It all seem meaningless to me now.. Yea, even though i now own an iPhone and basically you can do whatever with am iPhone but i still dun feel like going online..
I think i am just lazy, i guess..
So yesterday was Christmas!!! Our very first Christmas together.. Hahaha... I met up with him after my family lunch. Went to his house to give his family and him, their Christmas presents.
Wanted to go out after dinner, just had to feeling to go somewhere ya know?
So we went out at about 8.30 to Orchard.. I have no idea where we were going, just went out taking random photos and also hunting for a nice place to eat.
After much convincing, asking ah Yong to go to Xin Wang Hong Kong cafe.. He finally said yes.. Guess he too is tooo hungry to continue hunting..
So here are the photos...
Inspecting the food.. Actually he is trying to act natural when i am taking the picture.. Haha..
Still acting natural.. AWKWARD!! haha..
Caught him drinking... Heee...
We really order a lot sia.. For two person the portion is huge....
I totally recommend the Chicken Curry... I felt that it not bad.. Seriously, did you see the SIZE (@.@) of the bread that comes with it? Oh yar, you can order with rice, noodles or bread. Since i am ordering Udon and Ah Yong is ordering rice, we decided to chose Bread.. And boy oh boy, the bread is GOOOOD!!!!! It is soft and warm when they served it up to you. And i think it is a bit sweet, but Ah Yong say otherwise.. (-.-)
I also recommend the seafood Udon and the Dumplings... I dunno about Ah Yong's Black pepper chicken.. Cause i kinda dunno like Black pepper stuffs so yup..
Stop to camwhore a bit when hunting for a place to eat along Orchard road.
Another cam whoring picture!! Heee....
Pictures that i have taken While hunting for food.. Not bad right? Guess Ah Yong love of photography finally rubbed off on me huh?
Deco along Orchard road..
So here it is.. It's been so long since i have finally updated my blog.. I think it died for awhile..Hahaha.. Well, i hope that you all have a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year ahead of ya'll!! Mucks!!
I am in love with a lone warrior...
Sunday, October 31, 2010 || 10:09 PM
Roaming around the neighborhood was what I did last night....
Letting myself be fragile was what i let go...
I held his hands in every step of the way... Afraid that if i let him go he will disappear and never come back...
Scare that my love wasn't enough to keep him from going away..
Family - so what even if you share the same blood.... It doesn't mean that you share the same feeling towards each other... Even though you are born and lived together... But it doesn't grantee anything.. You cannot count on that person to look after your back...
I am in love with a lone warrior... And thy shall be the his home... Thy shall not give up nor shall thy leave...
Everything that happen to him and whatever he is experiencing...
I will want to know and share with him..
The more i want to be with him and love him with everything i have got... Yes, I depend on him but yet... I know in some way he depends on me too... In a little small microscopic way, deep down i know he does.. Just that he doesn't notice it. I dun him to shut away from the world, or from me... I know that i will always find the strength to stand beside him...
Now i know how it feels when the whole world is against you, but even that doesn't stop you.. You just want to keep going because you are are not willing to let go....
I will keep going, no matter what.. I know that people may think that i am still young how can i know whether this is it? but all i know is i dun do something halfheartedly, when i am in.
I am all in and i will not keep some back...
Even if i fall, i will only be stronger and not weaker..
Wednesday, October 27, 2010 || 1:34 AM
Today after night class I went out to have dinner with Glenda and we were talking about friends and people that we once got along so so well, but in the end ended badly. How someone so close to you can be the person who hurt you the most.
So it got me thinking about having a friendship is like learning a lesson and also taking a risk. Telling everything that you know and happen in your life to someone who is not related to you in any way. Maybe just the same classes or having a common interest. And that's all, but yet there is something very special in that person that once you begin to speak to her, but you clicked with her straight away. There is no doubt in you that in the near future she will be the person who will rip out your heart and tear it to shreds.
Sounds painful? But I guess everyone knows how is feels, the actual feeling is way more intense than that. Sometimes I wonder whether do we know that this person is going to be the person who will hurt us? Maybe we did, but we chose not to see. We know that that person is slowly drifting away from us, but yet we hope that it is just a moment of folly and that the person will eventually come back to us. Because they know that we love then and cherish this friendship we have.
But the more we hope there is nothing and nothing is what we will get when we hope for the things that aren't true.
Oh gosh, I dunno why I am being so emo today. Sorry guys.. For this post..